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Don't Come In Here Begging For Help!

by Chris W. Sutton
39 replies
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Disclaimer: This post is in no way directed an anyone in particular. There are honest people and there are people who aren't so honest. This post is just a reminder to WF members of the tricks some people try to pull!

There have been a lot of posts made in the WF that go something like this...

"I am quitting IM"
"This will be a bleak Christmas"
"I am not looking for a handout"
"I can't afford medicine anymore"
"I have just lost my job"

and on and on and on.

Some of these posts are legitimate and credible. A lot of them are written by manipulators. Through the years I have developed a good sense of who is legitimate and who is not.

Someone sees a post where a lot of people are helping someone and they make up something to get a handout too. They are preying on other people's goodness and it irritates me very much.

I saw where someone asked, "Why do people post these kinds of things" or "If you want to quit, why don't you just quit." The reason is because a lot of these people are trying to manipulate the generous benefactors of the WF.

You can do what you want to with these types of posts but I will only help people that I know are sincerely honest. That means that they have been around the forum for awhile or I have had dealings with them so I know I can trust them.

It is sad that the "baby has to get thrown out with the bath" but I just don't know who to trust when it comes to people I don't know. I don't care if you are from Nigeria or Dallas, Texas... if I don't know anything about you, I will not respond. Hardcore? Yes, but there are a lot of manipulators out there.

I LOVE to help people better themselves and I will go out of my way to help people IF they put forth the effort to help themselves. I have to see that in someone before I will reach out to them.

As a side note, I don't give money to people standing on the street holding signs. Why? Because we have excellent social services in this town that will provide anyone in need with what they need; except for booze, drugs, cigarettes or stuff like that.

The WF is not the "social services" of the IM world! Yes, there are people who get a lot of help from here and I was one of them once upon a time. The difference between those people who receive help and those who don't is the fact that those who have received help have taken the time to build good, solid relationships with other members of the WF. People here are happy to help their friends in need. Just don't come in here, make a few posts and expect to reap the benefits of the WF. This forum can be a very cold place to those people who deserve it.
#begging
  • Profile picture of the author Kurt

    Will SEO for food
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    • Profile picture of the author Nightengale
      How about design help????

      I'm in desperate need of a new design and the designer I hired (a fellow Warrior AFTER my original designer didn't complete the work I hired her to do and stopped communicating with me) hasn't turned in satisfactory work at all.

      I am soo frustrated right now. If anyone knows of a designer wh can help me NOW with good work, please let me know. At this point though, I almost not rather hire a Warrior. I know that's not fair to Warriors who do good work and need business. But my experience has been that people come here looking to do more business on the 'Net and get business directly from the WF but they can't do the work they've been hired to do! Grrrr!

      I've thrown nearly $500 into design and STILL don't have a good, decent design. Because of non-deliverability, I'm almost to the point of requiring a mockup before I'll pay a deposit. 50% on delivery of a mockup and the final 50% upon completion and deliverability.

      If you know of anyone, please let me know!

      Michelle
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      "You can't market here. This is a marketing discussion forum!"
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      • Profile picture of the author Oliver Hart
        What kind of design help do you need?

        If it's WP theme you are looking for, I can try to help you and it will not cost you a dime.

        Originally Posted by Nightengale View Post

        How about design help????

        I'm in desperate need of a new design and the designer I hired (a fellow Warrior AFTER my original designer didn't complete the work I hired her to do and stopped communicating with me) hasn't turned in satisfactory work at all.

        I am soo frustrated right now. If anyone knows of a designer wh can help me NOW with good work, please let me know. At this point though, I almost not rather hire a Warrior. I know that's not fair to Warriors who do good work and need business. But my experience has been that people come here looking to do more business on the 'Net and get business directly from the WF but they can't do the work they've been hired to do! Grrrr!

        I've thrown nearly $500 into design and STILL don't have a good, decent design. Because of non-deliverability, I'm almost to the point of requiring a mockup before I'll pay a deposit. 50% on delivery of a mockup and the final 50% upon completion and deliverability.

        If you know of anyone, please let me know!

        Michelle
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        • Profile picture of the author Mark McClure
          It takes all sorts.

          I spotted a homeless guy hired to sell copies of "The Big Issue" magazine near the train station. Bought 1 copy and gave him the money for 2 to keep - he wouldn't take it and politely returned my change.
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          • Profile picture of the author Martin Avis
            It is so hard to know who is legitimate and who isn't when all you can judge by is the hand being held out.

            A couple of years ago I was in London's Oxford Street - one of the busiest shopping streets in town - and watched a scruffy beggar sitting outside McDonalds with his equally scruffy dog.

            In the 20 minutes I watched him (I was waiting for a bus) he took about £40 from passers by - being very careful each time a £1 or £2 coin was given to quickly hide it away so that his bowl appeared to have little in it.

            To his utter annoyance, an old lady took pity on him and rather than give money, she went inside and bought him a Big Mac - and then waited with him while he ate it. Naturally, nobody donated any money at all while she was there - making that meal a really expensive one for him!

            Eventually, his 'time' in that location was up and another scruffy beggar took his place - and his dog!

            I guess these guys are part of a well organised group who rake in far more money per hour than most of the people taking pity on them and donating.

            I'm all for helping people who are less fortunate than I am, but nowadays I give to the organisations I know are providing assistance to the really deserving cases, and not to individuals who may or may not be taking me for a ride.

            Martin
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            • Profile picture of the author Kim Standerline
              Lol I'm surprised you didn't take a turn at sitting there Martin

              BTW where's our newsletter


              Originally Posted by Martin.Avis View Post

              It is so hard to know who is legitimate and who isn't when all you can judge by is the hand being held out.

              A couple of years ago I was in London's Oxford Street - one of the busiest shopping streets in town - and watched a scruffy beggar sitting outside McDonalds with his equally scruffy dog.

              In the 20 minutes I watched him (I was waiting for a bus) he took about £40 from passers by - being very careful each time a £1 or £2 coin was given to quickly hide it away so that his bowl appeared to have little in it.

              To his utter annoyance, an old lady took pity on him and rather than give money, she went inside and bought him a Big Mac - and then waited with him while he ate it. Naturally, nobody donated any money at all while she was there - making that meal a really expensive one for him!

              Eventually, his 'time' in that location was up and another scruffy beggar took his place - and his dog!

              I guess these guys are part of a well organised group who rake in far more money per hour than most of the people taking pity on them and donating.

              I'm all for helping people who are less fortunate than I am, but nowadays I give to the organisations I know are providing assistance to the really deserving cases, and not to individuals who may or may not be taking me for a ride.

              Martin
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          • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
            Originally Posted by Mark McClure View Post

            It takes all sorts.

            I spotted a homeless guy hired to sell copies of "The Big Issue" magazine near the train station. Bought 1 copy and gave him the money for 2 to keep - he wouldn't take it and politely returned my change.
            That's the beauty of Japan. Try leaving a tip on a table, and watch the staff chase you down the street to return your money.
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            Kevin Riley, long-time Warrior living in Osaka, Japan

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      • Profile picture of the author Jim M
        Originally Posted by Nightengale View Post

        How about design help????

        I'm in desperate need of a new design and the designer I hired (a fellow Warrior AFTER my original designer didn't complete the work I hired her to do and stopped communicating with me) hasn't turned in satisfactory work at all.

        Michelle

        What type of design work is it you need done?
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        • Profile picture of the author myob

          "Homeless, Will Work for Food"
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          • Profile picture of the author Rick McCombs
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    • Profile picture of the author Scott Ames
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post


      Will SEO for food
      LOL!!!! Good one.

      I often see people with signs on the streets "Will work for Food" and I think to myself.. hummm.. that's exactly what I'm doing, working for food.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris W. Sutton
    Will SEO for food
    Hey Kurt! Just curious, how much SEO can I get for one apple and three bananas?
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    • Profile picture of the author Dana_W
      Originally Posted by Chris W. Sutton View Post

      Hey Kurt! Just curious, how much SEO can I get for one apple and three bananas?
      See here's the thing, Chris. All those "Will SEO for Food", "Will Guru For Food", "Will Teach You How To Make a Million Dollars A Month With One Hour Of Work A Day, For Food" guys that you see standing around with those cardboard signs at the intersections?

      They're just looking for a free handout.

      I offered one of the "Will Teach You How To Make A Million Dollars A Month WIth One Hour Of Work A Day, For Food" guys a sandwich in exchange for all of his marvelous secrets, and when he realized I had no money, he just shook his head and walked away.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris W. Sutton
    Hi Michelle,

    I guess the big question would be what type of design you are looking for. Website, header graphics, WP theme? I know there are some good, honest designers out there and you shouldn't have this much frustration.
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  • Profile picture of the author Monetize
    The begging doesn't bother me, I just wish ppl would post those things over
    in the OT forum. As to length of membership before one begs, someone who
    has been here since the beginning of time can make up a sob story just as
    easily as someone who just got here.
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris W. Sutton
    True but I'm not talking about length of membership. I am talking about getting to know people who have been around for awhile.
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  • Profile picture of the author Bev Clement
    Chris, excellent points. I would add a couple of things. Some of these which are legitimate only want a cash handout, they don't want help to get work or do work.

    Be careful who you help or the type of help you give people. They could cause your whole business to be destroyed by what they do with the help.

    BTW what happened to your photo have you gone back to your childhood, forget that you never left it
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  • Profile picture of the author Chris W. Sutton
    Photo? I don't know what you are talking about, Bev! That is how I really look. I guess that I'm just "too sexy for my shirt!"
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    • Profile picture of the author HeySal
      Originally Posted by Chris W. Sutton View Post

      Photo? I don't know what you are talking about, Bev! That is how I really look. I guess that I'm just "too sexy for my shirt!"
      Oh Chris - so you tried my rejuvenation program I see? I didn't even know it worked that well!

      Case in point though. Social services are not as easy to get as you might think. You have to qualify - which means, have children or be in a rehab program. I was financially ruined by a relationship and was even refused food stamps - and all I wanted was a bit of immediate help for the bills that I got the surprise of finding were all on shut off. I had no car, was losing a home, and lived too far from anywhere to get to where I could find a job. I couldn't get one crumb of help from social services unless I signed statements that my ex beat up on me. He had never done that (smart guy) and I wasn't going to put false witness against him, lie to get him prosecuted- they expected me to lie and convict someone innocent of a crime of a crime to get any help.

      I came into this forum with my whole life crashing - and instead of asking for help, I got a JV that lead to a WSO distress sale of my first product - it saved my *ss.

      Why I am telling people this is because it shows that there are ways to get help even when the government tells you that you aren't even worthy of food to put in your mouth. Even if you don't know the first thing about technology, you can find a way to help yourself. You don't have to just be willing to work and learn - you have to be willing to fight for it. You have to be willing to put every bit of blood into it every waking day of your life -- but if you are, you will get through it. And THAT is why we are called Warriors.

      If you come in here looking for help, it's here - but the first person you must ask for the real sacrifice you will find in the mirror.
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  • Profile picture of the author mmurtha
    Lol Kurt!

    Chris,

    I agree with you. This isn't a social service, and there are a lot of manipulators out there in many different discuises. And there have been many attempts made in this forum in the last couple of years.

    But just to play devil's advicate here, most people are almost too suspicious with posts like you are posting about, and don't know how to discern the difference between the manipulators and non-manipulators. I would suggest in this case that everyone do their due dilligence before jumping the gun either way.

    I know I've been helped by this forum some time ago and feel very blessed but this act. Many Warriors rallied to aide me in my time of need, but there are still some sceptics out there I know who treat me coldly because of it, and because they assumed the worst. I don't think they realize what the people here did for me in the long run. I know I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for them.


    So it can be a double edged sword ... not one-sided. The innocent get hurt too sometimes.

    And no, I'm not complaining one bit. I'm simply making a point, and asking people to check things out before they jump to conclussions.


    Mary
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  • Profile picture of the author Jillian Slack
    Maybe I'm mean, but when I see people standing out on the side of the road with a sign, begging for cash, I just think to myself:

    If you had spent this time out looking for a job rather than begging, you could've found one by now.
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  • Profile picture of the author George Wright
    True Story, I saw this with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears.

    I was waiting in a 6wide and 5 deep line at MickeyDee's in DT Los Angeles.

    A man was "working the line" asking for money from each and every person waiting for food. Some people gave him money some didn't.

    Finally another man in line said to him, "Why don't you get a job?"

    The one asking for money screamed at the top of his lungs, "THIS IS MY JOB!" and then continued asking for money. Some gave, Some didn't. The percentage who gave seemed to go up after his loud declaration. Go figure.

    George Wright
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    • Profile picture of the author Jim Hallmark
      Originally Posted by George Wright View Post

      True Story, I saw this with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears.

      I was waiting in a 6wide and 5 deep line at MickeyDee's in DT Los Angeles.

      A man was "working the line" asking for money from each and every person waiting for food. Some people gave him money some didn't.

      Finally another man in line said to him, "Why don't you get a job?"

      The one asking for money screamed at the top of his lungs, "THIS IS MY JOB!" and then continued asking for money. Some gave, Some didn't. The percentage who gave seemed to go up after his loud declaration. Go figure.

      George Wright
      George, how true it is! I suspect that a majority of these folks are emotional manipulators who have become very good at their "job."

      Several years ago when I was still working for someone else I read a report in my local newspaper about one of these scammers. He informed the news reporter that he made more money begging than what he could make at a job. Funny thing was, the amount he was quoted as earning was more than I was making at my job at the time.

      I empathize for those who are truly in need and when I feel that need is legitimate I am willing to help in the short term. In the long term though I am still a believer in the "teach a man how to fish" philosophy.
      Jim
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    • Profile picture of the author Eric Lorence
      Originally Posted by George Wright View Post

      True Story, I saw this with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears.

      I was waiting in a 6wide and 5 deep line at MickeyDee's in DT Los Angeles.

      A man was "working the line" asking for money from each and every person waiting for food. Some people gave him money some didn't.

      Finally another man in line said to him, "Why don't you get a job?"

      The one asking for money screamed at the top of his lungs, "THIS IS MY JOB!" and then continued asking for money. Some gave, Some didn't. The percentage who gave seemed to go up after his loud declaration. Go figure.

      George Wright
      And he probably made more than anyone working inside the MickeyDee's.

      That's why they'll always be there...

      There is no job that will pay them more for their skill set.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kelly Verge
    The other side of the coin:

    Today I drove over to a nearby auto parts place to pick up a small box for an eBay item I need to ship tomorrow (they stack small boxes behind the building for those of us who reuse them).

    As I was getting back into my car I heard a noise inside the LARGE dumpster behind the next unit. As I watched a filthy woman crawled out gingerly holding half of a Subway sandwich.

    When she saw me watching, she looked embarrassed, quickly dropped the sandwich into a plastic bag hanging from her bike's handlebars, and rode away.

    I followed her down the street, rolled down my window and handed her the only cash I had in my wallet.

    I don't know her story. I doubt she'll use the cash for food. However, I had to help.

    I know she's likely where she's at due to a choice (or several choices) she made. That doesn't give me license to ignore her need nor to tell her to get a job.

    (No, I don't give to the people who hold up signs at intersections. Never have and never will. I suppose those who beg on the forum fall in that category, too.)
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    • Profile picture of the author Kevin Riley
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      Kevin Riley, long-time Warrior living in Osaka, Japan

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  • Profile picture of the author Richard A.Cox
    ..As long at that cat isn't asking for a Hamster , eh?
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  • Profile picture of the author Rachel Goodchild
    I have been through some really hard time in the last few years, - some people on her ehave known about them
    But I've also gone through some real highs too- because the rough times I looked at what I had and I made sometihng out of it
    and I've survived at each low point through hard work and perserverance.

    asking for help doesn't solve the problem
    helping yourself does.

    and the feeling of success from getting it done is outstanding

    having said that....it can be darn exhausting too
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  • Profile picture of the author Solidsnake
    Banned
    Excellent post... I want to add something about those people who keeps on asking how to promote their sites without searching for solution..
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    • Profile picture of the author kazakhan
      Originally Posted by Solidsnake View Post

      I want to add something about those people who keeps on asking how to promote their sites without searching for solution..
      What something would that be?
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      • Profile picture of the author Steve Tuggle
        Chris,
        Thanks for posting this. There were two threads in the past month that I thought were inappropriate. One of them raised thousands of dollars for someone if this was in fact genuine. I actually kept thinking that it was a joke. I'm still not sure.

        There are circumstances that warrant giving freely to someone in need. These, however, are very rare. In my experience it actually does more harm for the recipient than good. Most people end up in a bind or two in their life. Learning to navigate through these tough times is a valuable life skill. Handouts inhibit the acquisition of this skill.

        May we always be generous AND discerning.
        Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author globalpro
    I think a lot of discernment needs to go into helping people. these are very tough times and a lot of people need help.

    I do agree that this forum is not the place to jump right in and ask for help with personal problems, but if you don't ask, you don't get. The difference is how you reply.

    There is another post that is about a father who has a medical condition, that the poster was asking for help with paying the medical costs. A lot of people offered assistance, but one really struck me.

    An offer was made several times to pay the poster for writing articles, but they never responded. I am sure the poster will be remembered for this the next time a need comes up.

    At the same time, I see other members that have had requests for help posted by other members and the responses were overwhelming.

    So, I guess the bottom line, as close as it can be, is "caveat emptor".

    It would be a shame for someone deserving of help to pay the price for the few charlatans.

    Also Michelle, If you need graphics design:

    Graphics Genie - Web Design | Minisites | Ecovers | Promo tools

    Darren is a member of the forum and does some great work.

    Thanks,

    John
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    • Profile picture of the author Steve Tuggle
      John,
      That is an excellent point. Giving someone an opportunity to work is always the best option. I also would add that I do believe there are times when when free gifts are appropriate. I have a friend right now with cancer. She shouldn't be but she is continuing her work in real estate. The costs of her treatment are skyrocketing so quickly that she and her husband are receiving donations that they will never be able to repay.
      Great points you have there.
      Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Bev Clement
      Originally Posted by globalpro View Post


      There is another post that is about a father who has a medical condition, that the poster was asking for help with paying the medical costs. A lot of people offered assistance, but one really struck me.

      An offer was made several times to pay the poster for writing articles, but they never responded. I am sure the poster will be remembered for this the next time a need comes up.
      John the problem with that poster was he had no intentions of taking on work. A kind warrior bought him a domain name, gave him hosting and let him set up a blog. He asked him for content which he then put up for him. So you have a warrior who went out of his way to help. Problem when you copyscaped his site, 90% was taken from my site.

      The poster who was asking for help had no way to receive money except by Western Union, and he did himself no favours when he acted the way he did.
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  • Profile picture of the author zerofill
    Chris enjoy your writing I really do...But there have been like 3 threads already on people asking for charity, or this help that help...and begging...
    Do we really need another?

    Don't get me wrong...I agree with what your saying. It just seems we have had a lot of threads on this subject lately...
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  • Profile picture of the author ecoverartist
    While I was living in Montana, I saw the best homeless sign ever.

    "Need Beer"

    If I had one, I would've given the guy a 6 pack just for his honesty!
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  • Profile picture of the author mmurtha
    Hey Sal,

    Well said and thank you!

    And yes, we are Warriors!

    I know there are circumstances that are beyond people's control. You touched on some of them.

    Here's something else to consider too guys ...

    I know health is sometimes a big obsticle too where people cannot help themselves in specific moments in time. They can after they get on their feet and stuff sure, but that isn't helping at the moment when they need the help, especially if they are going thru treatments, had a heart attack, etc ... So there are legit reasons for people to ask, or for other Warriors to ask for them. Look at Michael Tracey and myself. We both had conditions that were beyond our control.

    Somehow or someway Warriors new instictively to jump in and help. I think the capcity and willingness to help is built into our makeup, we simply need to learn the whens and hows.
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  • Profile picture of the author KimW
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  • Profile picture of the author John Rowe
    Maybe I'm just a stupid sucker but I always keep a full pocket for the street people who ask me for money. And I always give the whole pocket to the person who takes the time to ask. Then I refill my pocket for the next chance.

    It's 100% staged every time. And I do it because I'm selfish.

    The look he or she usually gives to me for giving an entire handful of money, rather than just a few coins, does something to my heart worth 100 times more than it cost me. It's the cheapest fulfillment any man can get. It feels wonderful. Selfishly wonderful.

    The look I get back from these soles is almost never about the money, it's almost always a look that says "I can't believe you just reached into your pocket and gave me everything in there. You didn't count it out. You didn't decide what I was worth. You just gave it all to me."

    Somewhere along the line I decided that a guy on the street soaked and freezing, lonely and left out, could probably use a momentary feeling of being loved by someone. So I offer it. And they accept it, almost every time. I see it in their eyes.

    Maybe I'm a sucker, but I'm a sucker who feels selfishly good far too often for the pittance it costs me.
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