Oh wise warriors, answer this

by valerieSONORA

Posted: 18 years ago 26 replies

OFF TOPIC

How do you mend a broken heart?

DougBarger

18 years ago

Superglue of the soul? Only love...it is the true bond of perfection.

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Jose Delgado 18 years ago

Here is what you do in 158 easy steps...

1...
...(Let's skip all this stuff. )
...
...

158. You can't.

You can read all about on my ebook, "158 steps to mend a broken heart."...

It's only $1,982 + Tax.
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Gary Mader

18 years ago

Time will always mend a broken heart if you truely want it to happen.

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YiKeS

18 years ago

Accepting it`s over and moving on

Not as easy as it`s said though when you truly do
love someone ... but once you accept the fact, it
sure don`t hurt so bad ... still hurts ... :rolleyes:

Christopher J.

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HeySal

18 years ago

If the relationship broke, it wasn't what it seemed. Just let yourself hurt for a couple of days and think about everything you DIDN'T like about the guy and the relationship. Then after a few days turn your focus elsewhere. Enjoy everything you didn't have time for when tied down. It takes time, I won't lie to you about that, but once you start to focus on other things you will come back around to normal.

It's a tough one - but it's not the end. And face it - there are almost 7 billion people in the world and half are men. If you think you can't find better, you have to be kidding yourself.

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valerieSONORA

18 years ago

Well this wasn't a romantic thing. It was a bestest friend who I loved and thought of as my real sister and thought we'd be bestest friends forever.

Now she acts like I never existed. And nothing happened. There was no fight or anything. Just grew apart.

Well I called and visited recently and there was a distance I could feel. It was like, how are you, fine...that's nice...so....(geez nothing to talk about anymore)

And lately every single time we've seen each other she has never said hi or anything at all. She seriously acts like I'm invisible or dead. And it just hurts when she always used to talk to me and now she won't even so much as look at me or say hi.

And she used to forward email all the time. But not anymore. There is a mutual friend who forwards me emails that originally came from her. She'll email 20 ppl but not me. Seems she'll email anyone who happens to not be me.

And then when I needed her the most that I've ever needed her she wasn't there. No phone call, no nothing. Not even a hi when we saw each other. That's just cold.

I would rather be screamed at or beaten than just dropped like this. What makes it so painful is this was the person I was closest to who I could talk to more than anyone else on the entire planet and I thought she'd always be there but for the last few months she's stopped all contact and won't so much as look at me or say hi. Much less a simple email or phone call.

So my heart is all broken and disfigured. It's not like you can just go to the store and buy another bestest friend.

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KarlWarren

18 years ago

Originally Posted by annoyedgirl

So my heart is all broken and disfigured. It's not like you can just go to the store and buy another bestest friend.

BIG HUG!!!

I won't try and be all philosophical, that won't help - but, if you need someone to talk to and make you laugh, you know where I am.

K.

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valerieSONORA

18 years ago

Originally Posted by KarlWarren

BIG HUG!!!

I won't try and be all philosophical, that won't help - but, if you need someone to talk to and make you laugh, you know where I am.

K.

That's why I come to the WF. Well I came here to learn and share about IM, but there's so many funny people here that should be comedians

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KarlWarren

18 years ago

Comedians? I don't fall into that category - I think ridiculous is more apt. x

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Jose Delgado

18 years ago

BIG HUG as well.

Not to you Annoyedgirl but to Karl.

He needs one. :p

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YiKeS

18 years ago

Originally Posted by Jose Delgado

BIG HUG as well.

Not to you Annoyedgirl but to Karl.

He needs one. :p

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Gawd we`ll have Ninja Tigers in 9 months ... :rolleyes:

Christopher J.

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Jose Delgado

18 years ago

hahaha I was JOking!

Even though that'd be pretty cool.

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YiKeS

18 years ago

Originally Posted by Jose Delgado

hahaha I was JOking!

Even though that'd be pretty cool.

LOL ... so was I mate

... gestation period of the Tiger is around 3½ months not 9!!!

Christopher J.

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Michelle Brouse

18 years ago

Hahahah - nice Ninja tiger!

Hey you annoyed girl. I suppose that talking to your friend at this point would be out of the question? It might be interesting to send her an email - or make a pointed phone call asking "why the shun?"

I've had a few issues with different "girlfriends" and I don't have much of a problem getting into a nice little yelling match now and then.

I have one girlfriend whom I lived with after I broke off a 7 year "engagement" relationship that totally dragged me down. I had nowhere to go, and she took me into her home. At the time I was pretty strung out, but did a lot for her and her kids. For instance, I would take them to the grocery store, let them buy whatever they wanted, we're talking over 250 bucks worth of groceries - then to see her take the food from her kids over to her "boyfriend" which just "burned" me.

There were a lot of things that went on, that I didn't approve of, and there were a lot of things that she didn't approve of.

We started getting "attitudes" toward each other, with the kids (older) in the middle - so I knew it was time to go. I arranged to move in with a cousin of mine, and one day while my friend was at work - I moved out. Everything and ALL the stuff I had moved IN, was out within a half a day. I'm talking a LOT of stuff too - furniture, PC - Huge PC desk, clothes, you get the picture.

If I remember right, I got a call from her saying "what the F?" And I basically explained "What the F" in no minor terms. We fought for a while, then both of us had the sense to realize that we were BOTH right in what we thought, and she still remains a good friend to this day. I still help her boys, now into their 20's, matter of fact, her middle child just called me today looking for some extra work. We all remain close - but we went through a lot of fights to get there.

Sometimes good friends are like family. Once you're in - you're stuck with them, no matter how much you may periodically fight.

If you know the heart is there, and that you can trust them - there's no good friendship that doesn't endure the "hiccups" now and then.

On the other hand, I have another best friend who was a wonderful mentor to me when I was very young. He happens to be a male - but was one of the best friends that I had for over 20 years growing up. He got into heroin, and I haven't talked to him in about 7 years. Although I am currently helping a mutual friend of ours, "Snake Rock" - who I met through this friend, and he's a great guy.

Actually, this "best friend" that I haven't talked to in 7 years just spent 7 out of 45 days in the LA county jail from being pulled over and having needles and heroin in the car. I had planned on writing him a note after he'd been clean for about 20 days - but for some reason they let him out in 7 days, instead of keeping him for the full 45.

I might end up at his funeral for all I know, because he refuses to call me. Hey - if that's the path he wants - have fun. I'd help if I could - but he ain't askin - so there you have it on that end.

Sadly, sometimes a friendship is better off "gone."

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Michelle

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Ernie Lo

18 years ago

Time will make it easier, but you will never forget or maybe even get over it 100%...unless you meet someone else of course.

Just try and keep busy (IM is a great way lol) and eventually it'll get easier and you will get over it! (well for the most part)

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valerieSONORA

18 years ago

Hmm, yes I know all relationships have hiccups. So at first when I was "shunned" I thought oh, no big deal. This is just temporary. Cause before I know I needed my space. I distanced myself for a lil while then I bounced right back.

But now this has been going on for months so I know it's not that.

It was her b-day last month and I brought over a gift and cake and she was like oh thanks, you shouldn't have. Then that's the last she's spoken to me. And I had to bring over gifts for that. She only has a bday once a year so I guess she'll only speak to me once a year now? We've seen each other since then and she literally won't so much as look at me or say hi.

There was no fight or anything like that. But even if she's that offended or angry over something shouldn't she get over it and get her priorities in order? We all get mad with people close to us sometime or other in our life but don't we get over it and move on? If we shunned everyone when we got mad over something then nobody would have any friends at all and we'd all be mad at everyone we ever spoke to the rest of our lives. She's real big on never holding grudges and forgiveness so that's why I can't understand. And I guess that's something else that makes it so hard. Like I'm so offensive and horrible that someone so big on forgiveness can't even forgive.

I just miss that closeness and it hurts to know it's gone forever.

Like I said you can't just go to the store and buy another bff

And it also hurts to know our friendship meant little or nothing to her that she's willing to throw it away like it was trash.

She could at least yell at me first or something. I feel I have tried on my part. I haven't said "Hey WTF is the problem?" But I called recently and it was a short conversation- (how are you..fine..how are you?..fine..so...well...)- to try to make an opening for things to be like they were. But nothing happened. Polite, but not the same. Polite but distant. So I'm not going to keep trying and calling if she can't so much as say hi.

I guess I'll get over it. I'm still in that hurting stage though. (That's why I'm rambling like a psycho on the WF) Just hurts to know the person you were closest to on the planet no longer gives a rats *** if you are alive or dead.

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JoseArmando

18 years ago

Acceptance.

Letting go.

Moving on.

Giving yourself time to do that.

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Patrician

18 years ago

Yes this person does have an issue and must not actually believe her own press - that she is forgiving and doesn't hold grudges.

It is very strange alright since you have tried. She totally doesn't get you.

You know though I am a loner and get very stand-offish at times - that usually doesn't sit well with people who don't understand non-conformity or individualism. Maybe she is just resentful of you for having needed some space and is playing payzy backsy.

In any case she doesn't sound like she is worth it if she can't understand, and won't respond to your overtures. Who needs shallow friends?

I agree with the move on thing.

You will make new friends - just don't dwell on this.

Not to mention 'We have a friend in Jesus' - He is always with you whether you can see Him or not. When you've got the BEST why sweat the rest?

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DougBarger

18 years ago

Originally Posted by Patrician

Yes this person does have an issue and must not actually believe her own press - that she is forgiving and doesn't hold grudges.

It is very strange alright since you have tried. She totally doesn't get you.

You know though I am a loner and get very stand-offish at times - that usually doesn't sit well with people who don't understand non-conformity or individualism. Maybe she is just resentful of you for having needed some space and is playing payzy backsy.

In any case she doesn't sound like she is worth it if she can't understand, and won't respond to your overtures. Who needs shallow friends?

I agree with the move on thing.

You will make new friends - just don't dwell on this.

Not to mention 'We have a friend in Jesus' - He is always with you whether you can see Him or not. When you've got the BEST why sweat the rest?

Awesome post Patrician!

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espacecadet Banned 18 years ago

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- valerieSONORA 18 years ago
  
  Patrician, it does look like "payzy backsy" to me. I can see I came across as cold sometimes without meaning to. Like you said. But it makes no sense to just decide to now punish me for it. Especially since she was always preaching to me saying never hold grudges, always forgive, blah, blah, blah.
  
  If only people had warnings on them that said "fair weather friend". Then you'd know to stay away.
  
  The worst part is, it wasn't just an acquaintance this was like my adopted mom. So blood is thicker than water, I guess that applies here. She would never just drop a blood daughter like that. So cold. But I have to accept that she was really just a fair weather friend.
  
  But life is full of stuff we just have to get over. We have to get over stuff so something else can happen.
  
  Espace- just "finding" a bff is easier said than done. :rolleyes: When I meet new people now I'll wonder, is this person real or a phony?
  
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  espacecadet Banned 18 years ago
  
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  HeySal 18 years ago
  
  Not everyone is meant to be life-long pals. Sometimes things come to a head in an argument -sometimes they just drift off. If things don't naturally come together again some time, you two might just not be meant to be close pals. You don't need to be hurt or angry. Not a need to hate her just or feel crushed just because she has lost words for you. Just because you confided in her doesn't mean she fully "gets" you. Just let it be and remember that you had some good times with her and wish her well in her life. She just might not know how to tell you that she feels it's time for her to move on. It doesn't mean she hates you or wishes bad for you. Things change - people drift in and out of life. It would become dreary if it weren't so.
  
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  Sal
  When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
  Beyond the Path
  
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  $Profile picture of the author n\a$
  n\a 18 years ago
  
  Just how annoyed by the situation are you?
  
  If really really really annoyed, I see some good ideas that might not mend your heart but could make you feel better at Dangerous Female Blog
  
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  never mind me, I'm n\a
  
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  valerieSONORA 18 years ago
  
  HeySal and espacecadet, well said. Ya live and learn.
  
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Patrician

18 years ago

What I see here is maybe something happened - she perceives something you have said or done as something that offended her.

Did you ever think of asking her what is wrong? Sometimes getting it out on the table can resolve it. If she is a total witch she will see it as you being confrontational - no matter if you grovel or not - so just be real calm and honest - like 'WTF is up with you, B!'

Just joking - but you know just say you thought you were good friends, but you notice how remote she has become and that whatever it is the least she could do is give you a chance to apologize if you have done something to offend her. My standard line here is 'even murderers get a chance to defend themselves'.

Bottom line if it was a real friendship it is worth the effort - if not, oh well, you can't lose what you never had.

People are cold. People are strange. A lot of them seem incapable of realizing others have feelings. Nice to see you do but sorry they are hurt feelings.

I hope you feel better soon one way or the other.

Originally Posted by annoyedgirl

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imb 18 years ago

Just like what they say, "from here, the only way to go is forward!". Just keep yourself busy all the time, idleness tends to bring back bad memories. Keep in touch with old friends and make new ones. The key here is to have fun. Convert tragedy in to opportunity... an opportunity to start over
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KarlWarren 18 years ago

Originally Posted by annoyedgirl

How do you mend a broken heart?

A smile from a stranger
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