Imagine that 8 years later I was somebody who people respected and wanted to help in the event that things had gone sour anyway.
Today, hanging onto the last glimmer of hope that I had, a gentleman who I was hoping to JV with in creating synth patches told me flat out that my work wasn't good enough to sell on his site. This after putting every ounce of my heart and soul into making these the best synth patches I could.
My dance exercise package was ill conceived from the get go. I really didn't know who my target market was and still don't.
My royalty free site, also a disaster. I've been told by many people that my music is horrible and laughable that I would expect people to pay for it or to pay me to do custom work for them. And so far, after 8 1/2 months of that site being online, with more than 5,000 tracks, I've made all of $4.
I can only think, when Suzanne reminded me of how I jumped all over a member here for PM'ing me, because I was too good and high and mighty for anybody to PM me, even though all he wanted to do was talk about my music, that maybe this is all my bad karma coming back to bite me because these past 14 months I have spent more money on my "business" (over 10 grand) and have worked harder than ever in my life, even when I was making money hand over fist, and have close to nothing to show for it.
And all of this could have been avoided by doing nothing more but being a decent human being and not be nasty to people just because they didn't agree with something I said or did and criticized me for it.
Had I done that one simple thing, you don't think I'd have a ton of Warriors rallying around me to help me out?
It's almost like I wanted to fail and by alienating everybody around me, that's exactly what would happen.
Yep, a real self fulfilling prophesy.
Right now, I don't have one solid business model. But I sure as hell better find one. And it's obvious by now that I can't rely on my musical skill to get one. As much as I enjoy it, I'm just not good enough at any one aspect of it.
I'm honestly more lost now than I've been since 2003 when I first started online and didn't have a clue. In 4 months I made all of $28 from taking online surveys. Finally in May of that year I stumbled onto something. It was dumb luck, that's all. Nothing to do with smarts. Because if I had smarts, real smarts, I wouldn't be where I am today...broke, desperate and scared shitless.
I don't have a mom to turn to anymore and my dad walked out on me 51 years ago. My wife supports the hell out of me but that can only take me so far. She can't do the work for me. She has her own headaches with he teaching job, which thank God is her last year and then she's retiring.
I have no idea what my future looks like but I do know this much.
It's brighter than the poor Illinois news anchor who announced on the air that he has a brain tumor and has 4 to 6 months to live.
That report put things into perspective for me and made me realize that, relatively speaking, I have no problems.
I'm not looking for sympathy and I'm sure not looking for help in building a business as I've burned almost every bridge that I built here. I thank the few who have still stuck by me, though quite honestly, I don't deserve it. I have acted badly, especially lately.
But if it's any consolation to those of you who have literally wished I'd leave this forum and never come back, it's all coming back to bite me on the ass. Everyone I have contacted for help in establishing some kind of business venture has either not responded or told me that they can't help me. Today's disappointment shouldn't have come as any surprise. And this was a guy who didn't know me, didn't know I could be a jackass and simply said no because my work wasn't good enough.
On Monday I'm going to look at my to-do list and see what I can salvage.
Anyway, that's it.
Yeah, karma is a real bitch.
Imagine if I didn't have to worry about it.