Critique this Email Please

Can you tell how many of those emails get opened? If not, your kind of just pissin' in the wind, I'd say.

Got to be able to track your efforts.

I would also say that in your intro email, you don't want to tell them "how it works". Must stick with..."Hey Restaurant Owner...get more business in for lunch TODAY." Reply for details...

This is not a well mannered strategy, nothing more than a wastage of time.

I would say online marketer - rather than internet marketer, truthfully, with the service your offering I personally think you would be better off going into restaurants and actually showing them what you can do, rather than an email...

My name is Mike and I am an Marketing specilist.

Would you like to have your message read by almost everone you send it to..........no matter what?
Would you like it if when you sent out a message people would stop what they were doing and read your message?

It's a known fact the 95% of people that get a text message respond in lest than a minute. (Whatever the research numbers are)
Research show that ??% of people will stop what they are doing to read a text message.

If you would like to tap into this HOT.........HOT marketing tool contact me at once for a free consultation.
Phone # and email address.

Remember........................
1)People always have their mobile phones on them(including when they sleep and drive)
2) People always open text messages.
3) You can literally reach into the customer's pocket, grab their phone..... and some money too!

PS
With this system it is guaranteed to get more business for you within a few weeks.

PPS.
Call while you have the chance, your competators are reading this same email.
I will show you how to increase your customer base, and earn more money, all at a fraction of your current advertising cost.

Mike McAleer
FreshDomains.co
6107151013

This is just something of the top of my head. I would work on it and refine it a bit more. Leave out all of the semi-technical info.

Aweber lets you track your email.

1. You should do your homework first. Make sure the restaurants you email to don't already have an SMS system in place.

2. Your email probably won't make it past the SPAM folder because it looks and sounds like an ad.

3. Make your email sound more personal. For instance say something like this.

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Hello,

This is Mike McAleer and my (wife, girlfriend, bunch of friends) and I were in your restaurant a few days ago. The food and service was fantastic and we'll definitely be back.

I was wondering. Do you happen to use SMS texting to offer discounts and specials and as a way to bring in more customers? I was looking for some advertising for it while I was there but didn't see any.

Believe it or not, I happen to know how to set it up for restaurants like yours and if you'd like, I'd be happy to stop by for a few minutes and show you how it works.

Just let me know what time and day works for you and I'll be there.

Thanks again for the great food and service and I look forward to meeting you soon.

Mike McAleer

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See, that sounds more like a personal email and not an ad. Maybe try yours and try mine using two different email addresses to track it and see which one gets more response.

Mike

You're wasting time my friend. I don't know what your deal is and why you are so afraid of calling these places? Plain and simple, if you can not learn to cold call, you will not be as successful in offline marketing. It kind of pisses me off when people won't do the necessary steps!

What really irritates me, is that you seem like a great person. You want to donate some money from WSO's to charity... it seems like you're a person that wants to help others and that is a great trait to have. However, I'm afraid you can't help yourself at the moment! If you can't help yourself how can you help others?

I'd like to see you pick up the phone and start cold calling places.. I remember my first sales job and I didn't make sales. I emailed people, I advertised, but I wasn't making sales. Know why? Because I went an hour in between phone calls, I tried putting off, picking up the phone. I hated it, I didn't know what to say and I didn't know how to deal with hearing no.

Now when I cold call and hear someone say no... I don't care at all, the next call could be a yes, and payment could be processed right then!

Big money is to be made offline, but you're just not going to get it unless you get over your shyness or fears! I don't mean that as an insult, it is just truth!

Thanks for the tips everyone. I just made like 20 calls and a lot were off on Saturdays. I did close a client that I had been working on alll week though.

Call first, establish the talks with the appropriate individual and follow up via email. After a few emails if you don't hear back from them, don't be shy about giving them a ring to confirm they received your email and at the same time you'll be able to ask them what they thought about your offering.