Please Critique My Offline Business Website

11 years ago

Allow me to be direct with my first comment... look at your title as it appears in your original post -

"Mount Hood Business Services | Marketing Solutions, Merchant Services, Philanthropy"

Philanthropy? What on earth has that go to do with providing business services to business? Are you there to make them money or give it away?

Other than that, the template it OK, I'm guessing it's Studio Press design - but the image up top is way to big; it almost fills my entire screen. Other than being creatively clever, it really serves no purpose to the client. Shrinky-dink it and get some benefit orientated text in their alongside.

Also, can you lighten the background where the text is at all, very hard to read.

Remember also to apply basics SEO principles to your web posts and pages - give them page names, don't just use the auto-generated number ID tag that WordPress comes up with.

Look, it's a good start, but it can be a lot better. Get some color in there and a little bit more variation, as well as more about the client, not about you.

Paul Barrs
Web Design Sunshine Coast
(My Local Business Site...)

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bert81

11 years ago

Thanks for the advice. Yes, the philanthropy is for the strange people who live here in Portland. I'm in the merchant services industry now, and it's actually to help combat the common objection that these people want to stay local for their community, and therefore pay more money than they should be.

I figured this might be a good way of letting them know they would still be helping the community by doing their business through me...AND saving money. At least that's the goal...plus it makes me feel good inside

Thank you for the other advice as well.

Thanks
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DawnMarie

11 years ago

Originally Posted by bert81

Thanks for the advice. Yes, the philanthropy is for the strange people who live here in Portland. I'm in the merchant services industry now, and it's actually to help combat the common objection that these people want to stay local for their community, and therefore pay more money than they should be.

I figured this might be a good way of letting them know they would still be helping the community by doing their business through me...AND saving money. At least that's the goal...plus it makes me feel good inside

Thank you for the other advice as well.

I'm a fellow Oregonian, and buying local isn't so strange. :p

I notice that your business name is "Mt.Hood Businesses Services," which is certainly local. Plus you allude to the Pacific North West right there on your home page - I think you've got the local angle well covered.

Thanks

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simbot82

11 years ago

I like the idea of feeding back into the community, I mean you only exist to serve their needs and requirements

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Luke Bishop 11 years ago

the image looks like its over powering the website, maybe make it smaller.
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sbucciarel

Banned 11 years ago

I like the header image, but your header should not take up the entire space above the fold and that is what it does. The prospect is there to see benefits to his company, not to view a graphic ... so the benefits need to be above the fold.

Too much gray. Gray background and gray text makes for no contrast. Either make the background of the site white, or the body text black. Don't make it hard to read because people will not bother to read it.

Good start, but needs improvement.

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1 reply

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webpageguru 11 years ago

In general, I like it. It is clean, uncluttered and fairly self-explainatory.

I do think though that your "call to action" should be above the fold on the first page. Also there is quite a lot to read and while that is ok, I think it could be improved by having a short header above each paragraph.

Good luck though, let us know how you go with it.

Martin
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Steve Wise

11 years ago

I'd agree with what's been said about the image, I also find the grey colour a bit drab. Obviously it's not complete yet as the "about us" & "services" sections have no content. The first thing I would do when it is complete is create a mobile optimized version as you are promoting this as a service on the home page.

I also just set up my offline consulting business and used a ready made "local business" template that was included in Ryan Shaw's "Web Design Business Blueprints" WSO (I'm not an affiliate). I've customised it a little to suit my own requirements and added a squeeze page to collect email addresses.

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bert81

11 years ago

Wow, awesome feedback. Thank you so much guys for taking the time to check it out, I truly appreciate it.

Yeah, I've still got some content to fill and some SEO stuff to do, but the info is greatly appreciated. Looks like I've got more to do now. Thanks again everyone.

Thanks

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fantasticjackson

11 years ago

i've seen alot of sites that look like this. how come noone just promotes themselves like they do with these wso's. wso's have gotten so much money out of me. but these websites like these don't seem as convincing. slap up some proof pics. and slick copywriting to make them say damn i need to hire this guy. just my opinion. not crapping on anyones work.

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nthmarketing

11 years ago

I would crank up the font size as well. Bullet point your services under the services tab. Throw in some more color throughout. And some type of call to action.

2 cents,
Fred

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Danny Turner

11 years ago

Agree with most of the above - 14pt black on lt grey is OK - (14pt is the new 12pt-chuckle) - The images at top need a purpose ... each should have a block of text with benefits you offer - overall very nice site

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P1 11 years ago

I like it but I think it needs some more stand out bright colors maybe menus that change colors on hover etc
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kershawm

11 years ago

It's a good start with a modern design. However, when I get to a site I want to quickly know exactly what the site is about. If find that I have to work a bit to figure out what you do.

Make it clear in the first 2-seconds what you do. Then show benefits to visitors. Then a call to action would be good.

Thanks
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jrobconsult 11 years ago

I would take down the blog page and testimonial page until you have some content.
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Anthony seoserviceagents

11 years ago

it lacks of call to action,you need more content,pics,ect on it ,slider moves to fast imo
take out the philantropy section out ,offer more services

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Ouroboros

11 years ago

Your slider images are moving WAY too fast. I couldn't avoid the distraction of that.

Steve

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omurchu 11 years ago

Slider is moving too fast but the problem is there is no information/call-to-action above the fold as mentioned by others.

You could use the slider images for both these purposes and link them to more information. The images here don't say anything about you or the benefits you offer to clients.

Frank
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helisell

11 years ago

Sadly the site won't do it's job and get you more customers
I'm afraid.

Have you read Paul Myers 'need to know'?

You'll get it here on WF or just google for it.

Your site breaks just about every rule ever written.

No headline.
No 'big "wiifm" benefit.
No reason to stay there.

I didn't wait long enough to see if there is an opt in.

I know this sounds negative but I don't
think it is worth pussy footing around.

You need a big benefit laden headline.

You need a compelling offer.

You need a call to action.

All those things should be obvious to a visitor within 3 or 4 seconds

else....they're gone.

Good Luck and keep at it.

.

Thanks
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CurtisSWN 11 years ago

It seems to me like a lot of features that are assumed to be of interest to the prospect. However I think most brick and morters know next to nothing about Facebook, Twitter, autoresponders, backlinks, etc. It's all confusing jingo to them and could turn them away.

How about "I'm here to make you more money" and then go from there....

I'm just starting to build my page Biz Web Consultants
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escribe 11 years ago

Really nice site. Good job for just starting out. But what did jump out at me was your header graphic. First thought was "WOW - that's big!" I'd make it smaller and add a bit of color to it. Your bottom pictures have nice color, so why not add a bit to the top.

Also, you're missing a call-to-action. I'd offer a free report, something that's going to help them like "Find out why your business is losing thousands daily by not having a mobile website" or something like that. However, I see that your site is more of a branding site so you could make your opt-in offer something more general, but still very enticing for them. I think your opt-in should also be placed on the top right side of your site... move over your moving graphic to the right and lose the height on the header (as most have already advised you here).

Also, I think you should use a darker grey font for the text on your site. That was already mentioned here. It may be a bit difficult for some to read. Actually, it is a bit too light in comparison to your images and the rest of the site.

Other then that, I really like your site. Love the fact that you're giving back to your community. That's a good incentive as well for people to choose you over the competition.

Good job!
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- Luke Bishop 11 years ago
  
  the graphic in the middle, slow the slide down a bit.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  kirbymarketingconcierge 11 years ago
  
  Call 2 Action:
  
  Use the headlines we hear in the News about bank rates, debit card fee increases, exchange rate manipulation that is "screwing" small business, etc..,
  
  so Small Business prospects see the value, access the free information, articles, etc.., and you also garner their contact information.
  
  C2action Idea: email us for Free 2011 Report, Free Analysis of your statements, Free tips to lower Costs Guaranteed,....Or
  
  "how credit card companies and banks made off during the financial crisis of 2008....and how the small business owner can avoid getting mainpulated!"
  
  Thanks
  
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iamchrisgreen

11 years ago

Originally Posted by helisell

Sadly the site won't do it's job and get you more customers
I'm afraid.

Have you read Paul Myers 'need to know'?

You'll get it here on WF or just google for it.

Your site breaks just about every rule ever written.

No headline.
No 'big "wiifm" benefit.
No reason to stay there.

I didn't wait long enough to see if there is an opt in.

I know this sounds negative but I don't
think it is worth pussy footing around.

You need a big benefit laden headline.

You need a compelling offer.

You need a call to action.

All those things should be obvious to a visitor within 3 or 4 seconds

else....they're gone.

Good Luck and keep at it.

.

Great guidelines!!

Thanks
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rbecklund 11 years ago

It seems too generic, you should add more detail for your services or just target a few for starters.

In the about us it doesn't even have your name or anything about you or who is part of the company. When dealing with local clients a lot of them want to know who you are.

Good Luck.
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jpeguero

11 years ago

Ok.

I decided not to be influence by other comments, so i did not read any of them.

First impression = I like it ... make me fee comfortable.
Then, i started looking for stuff that i considered to be essential on a website.
Stuff like above the fold and below the fold.
Above the fold you need to have a FREE request for a report or Free trial.
Then, I was expecting to see testimonial ... social proof that you know what you're doing... i wanted to continue having the feeling i got when i went to your website at the start.
** I wanted to see BIG IMAGES, Videos, Your Contact information all over.**
*** Way to much text**
Below the fold:

I was expecting to see... well if i liked what i saw above the fold then, what i have to do to take ACTION?

Grab a list of action words and sparkling all over your website and make sure i sign( your visitors) for something ( you want my email , name, etc) before i leave. GIVE ME something for FREE, I'll give you my email to get it and you'll know i was there!

That's my 2 cents.

Juan

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P1

11 years ago

Looks like he didn't take any of our advice..

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iamchrisgreen

11 years ago

The first thing I notice is that your logo doesn't work!! It's way too bitty and complex and downright ugly (sorry mate...)...

Here's a few guidelines. Great logos are:

Describable
Memorable
Effective without colour
Scalable i.e. work when just an inch in size
Relevant to the industry in question

Thanks

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klwilson199

11 years ago

What do your clients think about your site?

Thanks
1 reply

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ZachWaldman

11 years ago

I started to quote people above and then there were so many I realized I could sum it all up in less space. Here's your problem:

You don't have a sales page.

People are saying that you lack a call to action, a free report, etc. What they really mean is you need a one page sales letter.

Ok, I'll quote one person as an example:

i've seen alot of sites that look like this. how come noone just promotes themselves like they do with these wso's. wso's have gotten so much money out of me. but these websites like these don't seem as convincing. slap up some proof pics. and slick copywriting to make them say damn i need to hire this guy. just my opinion. not crapping on anyones work.

Again, this poster is really saying, you need a sales letter.

I've been preaching this a lot in the forums lately. I don't mean to be redundant, but I am surprised at the number of people building sites that have the following problems:

Weird background colors making the text hard to read
Small text
Confusing
No clear action the visitor is supposed to take
Branding, but not selling

Those are just a few things I've noticed.

Sales letters work. Writing one after another is how you get good at them.

When you realize this business is ultimately about selling, you appreciate those letters you see in the WSO section that compel you to spend money.

When you have a website that's nothing but a sales letter, there's nothing for people to do except buy, opt-in, or leave. Every website you build should have just one main goal. You can always capture emails, but overall the site should be set up to do one thing.

Okay, before this gets crazy long, let me explain the above with an example.

Let's say you have your money site, which you want to drive traffic to.

You may set up multiple feeder sites optimized for various keywords that are made to be traffic traps. When people arrive at these traffic trap blogs, they find a place with great info, lots of banners, and an opt-in box.

All they can do is read, click on a banner (which takes them to your money site), opt-in, or leave.

When I go to a site like yours, I immediately click off because the text is small (I have rockin' eyesight), and it overwhelming.

Learn to write a sales letter and learn to sell just one thing. Once you do that, offer more products and make repeat sales, earning yourself a customer for life with a much higher value than doing a hit and run.

Okay, this is long, I'm out. I hope I helped in some way.

Thanks

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krikkod

11 years ago

Those images in your slider would go alot further if they had a compelling header to go with them - plus they are scrolling way too fast. To be honest though i'd scrap the scrolling header all together and focus on one strong offer instead.

Your site looks similar to alot of other offline biz sites as well - as such you will find it much harder to stand out from the crowd - and if you're not getting attention, odds are you're not getting sales either.

Definitely got to add more color to the site as well.

Thanks

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Please Critique My Offline Business Website

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