My Offline post card for Online Business

22 replies
hello warriors,

I am trying to promote my online business offline. My designer made me a Post Card. I am planning to various offline area targeted by zip code.

Would love to hear your feedback, what you think, and if this post card can be modified to looks or feel any better. Would highly appreciate your feedback.


View image: Post Card
#business #card #offline #online #post
  • Profile picture of the author maxrezn
    I'd say hire a copywriter to redo it. It's pretty terrible, no offense.

    2 Problems:
    Multiple grammar errors.
    Weak copy.
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  • Profile picture of the author seoexperttools
    It is bad and you should feel bad.

    Seriously, it sucks, i would advise you to fire your designer and hire a new one.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Solem
    In addition to the above comments, I have to ask, what's the panda all about? The graphic takes up 1/2 the postcard looking "cute" - but doesn't really say much to your prospects.

    If you're offering new signups $5 to join, I'd work the "Free $5" into your headline somewhere, then once they're sold on the headline, work additional benefits into the body copy.

    I have to ask though - just about any marketing tactic is worth trying, but knowing your costs to get new signups online as you do now, do you really think direct mail will get you new clients for less?

    I remember when PayPal got their start and gave free $5 credits to you and friends you referred to the program, and don't think they could've accomplished that if they were mailing postcards to people to promote it.

    Only you know the numbers you'd need to make things work for you, but if it costs you for example $.50/piece to print and mail postcards - so $50 for 100 cards and you get a typical 1 - 2% response, can you survive with those numbers?
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  • Profile picture of the author 300SMG
    Aside from the easy to spot grammatical errors - you've basically said the same thing repeatedly on the card. Nothing on there makes me want to check out the website or learn more. I think you need to have much stronger copy and call-to-action. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author CollegeCEO
    Ouch, harsh criticism! But yea, you definitely need to work on that copy. I spotted those grammatical errors really quickly. I'd recommend a redo.
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    • I concur with the feedback most are giving here, first things first, fix the grammatical errors and improve the copy. Secondly, I'd suggest revamping the panda, make him smaller, and more importantly, make him look less confused, and more happy! He looks like he's stumbling, confused, and about to trip and spill all of those fresh groceries. Make that sad panda a happy panda. Do it.
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  • Profile picture of the author DaniMc
    Good job looking at direct mail. Don't be discouraged. It is an effective way to market. Take the feedback and come back with version two. Just do it.

    Mail the next version and see your response then start testing different versions.
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    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
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  • Profile picture of the author sdentrepreneur
    With most good copy.....you want to point out a problem and then offer a solution. I don't see that anywhere on the post card...
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  • Profile picture of the author onegoodman
    Thanks. I am aware the text is out. What i was looking for, is what type of text shall be there.

    Just like you need to offer a problem to get a solution. That is something I can use . I am certainly getting someone else to write the text (I am not the one who wrote that, it was the designer). Some of you mentioned i should fire him. Was that because of the text or because of the graphics ? does the post card looks that bad ? or just little modification would solve the issue ?
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  • Profile picture of the author onegoodman
    Steve, as far as the cost. The $5 sign up, is not considered part of the cost for the post card, because I am still offering it online as well (most of my competitors are offering the same for sign up, taking it off would make the site just looks bad).

    2% conversion rate would be pretty terrible. I am looking for much higher rate. with 2%, better keep my ads online.

    I appreciate everyone feedback. I know something need to be modified about the card, but not sure what and that is why I am asking for help but wouldn't feel terrible since I didn't print these cards yet
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    • Profile picture of the author Steve Solem
      Originally Posted by onegoodman View Post

      Steve, as far as the cost. The $5 sign up, is not considered part of the cost for the post card, because I am still offering it online as well (most of my competitors are offering the same for sign up, taking it off would make the site just looks bad).

      2% conversion rate would be pretty terrible. I am looking for much higher rate. with 2%, better keep my ads online.
      I think the $5 for signing up is a great idea, just wanted to get you thinking about your costs to get a new customer here.

      Even if you got a 10% response from a direct mailing that for example costs $50 per 100 pieces mailed, that's $5 for each new customer not including the $5 you're giving them.

      I always like to encourage businesses to try new ways to get customers for less, but if it currently cost you less than $5 to get a new client online, I don't think I'd be testing direct mail if i were in your shoes.

      All the best,

      Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
      Originally Posted by onegoodman View Post

      2% conversion rate would be pretty terrible. I am looking for much higher rate. with 2%, better keep my ads online.
      Bro, you aren't going to be anywhere NEAR the 2% conversions. You won't even get a 2% response. Keep in mind, response rate and sales conversions are definitely not the same.

      I don't see you getting a 1% response... I also don't see you getting an overall .5% conversion with the postcards, let alone a 2%.

      If you're doing EDDM rates, your profit margins will be higher I guess, which would really be the only thing that would make sense to me. A first class mailing, spending $320 on postage every 1,000 you send, I don't think you'll even make it back for this particular thing.

      I don't mean any offense at all. You're making an attempt at something people usually only think about and put on the back burner. I admire you wanting to get out there, I just don't know if this would be the best way for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author bsbear
    Yeah, so what exactly are you offering with that postcard?
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  • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
    I don't see you having a positive ROI from this. The formatting is bad, call to action is weak, copy in general is mediocre on a curve. Everyone else has already said all that so let me add some value to you.

    1.) Your postcard has a goal of getting people to the website. That is what you would judge your response rate on.. how will you track this so you can track effective marketing?
    2.) Your response rate is going to be very low.. I don't believe you'll even get 1%, you will be lucky to get .5%. Can you still make a profit with that kind of response rate?
    3.) With such a low response rate, you're going to have even LOWER actual conversions.

    Your postcards.. are a small piece of the puzzle. You're already going to have low response rate, your REAL goal here should be focusing on conversions. Sending traffic to your site, is simple.

    Your website looks good enough, but when someone clicks on a product they're taken to a login screen with a small area that says continue without logging in.... I would try avoiding that entirely.

    Log in | Panda Cash Back | Awesome Screenshot this is what I'm talking about.

    You're losing conversions on an already low response rate. You got to take care of that!
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
    I think I may be the only person here who doesn't think this is bad.

    Now let me tell you why.

    1. The Panda is cute. With any direct mail piece your first mission is to get people to actually look at it. And the Panda does that.

    2. Who does the shopping in most households? Women. Cute Panda here will appeal to women, kids, and guys like me who still watch cartoon.

    I believe you will get people to read the post card.

    But now we get to the problem. What do you want me to do?

    That's right you want me to join pandacashback.com. Or at least go to the website. But where is the web address? Oh yeah at the bottom in black. Seriously the message of this card has been the cute Panda. This web address needs to stick out.

    Also in general the copy sucks. You drew me in with the panda but lost me after that.

    IMO your whole marketing needs to be based around the Panda. Hell I would have a video of him shopping on youtube and on your website.

    So I love the Panda but don't think you are maximizing the fact the Panda will get me to read it.

    So here is what I would do.

    1. Keep the Panda and basic design
    2. Clean up the copy
    2a. I don't care what Panda Cash back is. I care what it will do for me.
    3. Make the web address easier to see and maybe even have it on their multiple times.
    4. Give me (and everyone else who liked the Panda) a reason to go to your website.
    4a. I suggest a video with the Panda
    4b. go to pandacashback.com now to see what happens to Cashie Panda (or whatever his name is) next (come on we are all waiting for him to trip and fall, right?). This come see more has worked for NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO- for years with hot women and a male target. Cute Panda targets different people but the basic idea is sound and tested.
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  • Profile picture of the author onegoodman
    I did update my Post Card : View imageost Card 2

    I hope this one does the trick. Welcoming any good critique
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Makarski
      It's better then your ver1 but, frankly, it still still not good. Whatever you pay a good copywriter, you will get back 7-fold in the response you generate.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by onegoodman View Post

      I did update my Post Card : View imageost Card 2

      I hope this one does the trick. Welcoming any good critique
      The best ad writer in the world won't be able to sell a bad offer.

      And from what I have seen, 3% rebate from the best known brand
      isn't going to create any excitement.

      Then there are unheard of brands which give reason not to buy.

      Unfortunately, I can't see this being a viable venture.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author onegoodman
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        The best ad writer in the world won't be able to sell a bad offer.

        And from what I have seen, 3% rebate from the best known brand
        isn't going to create any excitement.

        Then there are unheard of brands which give reason not to buy.

        Unfortunately, I can't see this being a viable venture.

        Best,
        Ewen
        I am not sure where you getting 3% from. The rebate rates various from one store to another. Yes for some it might be as few as 3% but I can't offer more than that if the store is giving only 3%. If you think the offer is bad, maybe you would like to talk the company and ask them to increase the rate.

        Most of the brand names are very competitive. I guess someone would rather get a low rate than none.

        There are stores that offer as much as 75% (and no they are not small stores either).
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  • Profile picture of the author Zhane Canalpan
    I think they still work, they come in handy when someone wants information about your company. They're not that effective if you're just handing them out to people thinking you'll get callbacks.
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  • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
    You need to put some logos of stores people will know and their % cash back. Like I said before up to 75% back is a turn off to me because I know that number isn't going to be legit for any place I would be interested in.

    Also you could add social proof with pictures

    Pic
    Ann got $127 back in Aug

    Pic
    John scored $57 when he bought his new golf clubs.
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