Critique wanted for my sales page...

20 replies
Hi,

I've had a sales page up for a little while and have been testing a few elements and tweaks here and there and would love to hear your thoughts on my current copy.

If you have any suggestions or ideas on how I can improve it, it would be very much appreciated.

I have tried the sales page with and without the video and have now tried the video at the bottom of the sales page to see how that works out.

The sales page is... Easy Article Rewriter - Write Or Rewrite Articles With Ease

I look forward o your replies.

Many thanks in advance!

Andy
#critique #page #sales #wanted
  • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
    Hi Andy,
    I've looked at your webpage and have a suggestion... and a very strong opinion.

    Suggestion:
    Take a good hard look at your headlines. You have too many of them. Instead of all three, I'd go with the middle one, "
    Unlock The Secrets To Achieving High Search Engine Rankings Quickly And With Ease Using Easy Article Rewriter Pro

    and make this the first thing your viewers see. It needs rewording, maybe something like
    Discover the Secret To High Search Engine Rankings - Fast and Easy With EASY ARTICLE REWRITER PRO


    Okay. That's one big thing you could do.

    Now - I most strongly dislike rewriting articles.. ESPECIALLY OTHER PEOPLE'S articles.

    Write your own! Do your OWN work! You're a writer - so WRITE! Don't steal from someone else.

    And that is what article re-writing amounts to, in my view.

    Stealing.

    So I don't think I care to help you any further with your website.

    Dot
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  • Profile picture of the author shayman
    As far as the sales page goes then I'd agree with Dot, however I'm not sure that I agree with your assumption that this software is designed to steal other peoples articles, is it?
    If I was going to use it I'd just use it re write my own articles so that I could Ezine them or whatever without them being rejected. Isn't that what it's for or am I a bit green??
    Shayman
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    • Hi Andy,

      That's an excellent video and I'm just about to buy the product. But, before I do, here's my quick thought on a fresh headline.

      Because I agree with Dorothy: you should lose those multiple headlines.

      You need to focus hard on your USP. And that's not really rewriting at all. Any old article spinner will allow you to do that.

      No ... this is YOUR USP: it's the ability to write for LSI and so create articles that appeal to humans AND the great God G.

      So how about ...

      Fed up writing articles that sink without trace? Then this is for YOU ...
      Read The Mind Of Google At The Click Of A Mouse -
      Sky-Rocketing Your Articles Higher Than
      You Ever Believed Possible!

      You started the letter well, in as much as you define the problem with article marketing, but it should open with a salutation, such as: Hi fellow article writer.

      Then you need a few sentences, to get alongside your reader and show you are just like them. That builds trust, which you need to make a sale.

      Then show them you shared the same problem - which is ... (launch into defining the problem )

      There's plenty more, but I'm off to snag my copy of EAR.

      Warmest regards,

      Paul
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    • Profile picture of the author RustyF
      Originally Posted by shayman View Post

      As far as the sales page goes then I'd agree with Dot, however I'm not sure that I agree with your assumption that this software is designed to steal other peoples articles, is it?
      If I was going to use it I'd just use it re write my own articles so that I could Ezine them or whatever without them being rejected. Isn't that what it's for or am I a bit green??
      Shayman
      Shayman, you don't need to re-write your articles for Ezine to prevent them from being rejected. Just make sure you have the same author name on all articles. You'll be fine. I know because I was confused on this point and emailed them to ask.

      Your view on what a spinner is for is correct. That is how most people use them. I don't use one but I may start. Only for my own articles. I could use PLR but I find I have plenty of good things to share. Sometimes, I do have more than one place or even way to say them. So they have their place.

      It is better to do it yourself. Most people say spinners don't work. You spend so much time fixing the errors that you'd be better off just doing it yourself. Now that's what people say, I'm not commenting on the OP's product. I don't know anything about it.
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  • Profile picture of the author AndyBlackSEO
    Thank for the input everyone. Dot, the software isn't just for rewriting. It is a great tool to use for writing your own articles. It's the LSI component that makes it easy to write strong and focused articles. Also, the rewriting element does't necessarily mean stealing other peoples content. That was a pretty big assumption. You can rewrite your own or even rewrite PLR content. It can be used in many ways. Thanks for your suggestion anyway!

    Paul, thanks for that. I will look at changing the headline and removing the clutter. I knew that needed sorting... I just was unclear on what to change it to. That's why I posted in here. Also, if you have any questions or issues with the software, just send an enquiry from the contact page link at the top of the sales page and I will get back to you.

    Thanks

    Andy :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author abrandt
      [DELETED]
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  • Profile picture of the author AndyBlackSEO
    Any other ideas anyone? Any suggestions to further improve my sales page?
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    • Profile picture of the author Matt James
      Hi Andy,

      I realize your audience for this is probably pretty savvy, but my first thought is "why?"

      Why do I want my articles higher? Why would this kickstart my biz?

      Get some end-level benefits in your headline deck if you can.
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      • Profile picture of the author Robert Boduch
        Hi Andy...

        My gut feeling tells me that what you've got is a headline in progress. It's like you've got your target in view and you keep firing... but you're not hitting that sweet spot that would make prospects say -- "That's it! I've GOT to have this NOW!"

        Take a closer look at each element of the headline. For example... what does it mean to the market when their articles "sink without a trace"? What's the feeling you want to agitate? That's what you need to bring to the forefront.

        "Read Google's Mind" is terrific... but why is this so important? In other words, what does it mean to the writer/marketer? Is this a way to crack the elusive code, get front page listings and profit from a flood of ongoing traffic?

        For your sub-heading in the Johnson Box, try something no one else can claim. If you look at your existing line "Kick Start Your Online Business With Our POWERFUL Article Rewriter Software" it kind of sounds like something your target prospects hear all the time. It's just too generic.

        But here's where you could really shine.

        Check out your testimonials and look for some hard-core results and use a a snippet in quotations. Or... what results have you personally achieved that would make your prospect sit up and take notice? Package that into a sub-head and now you've got something that's utterly unique with magic appeal.

        Hope this helps!

        Robert
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  • Profile picture of the author AndyBlackSEO
    Thanks Matt and Robert... that advice is gold on both counts. Thank you! I will look at making changes this afternoon :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author AndyBlackSEO
    Hi Guys... I've made a few amendments to the headline and sub heading. Does this look any better in your opinion?

    Andy
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    • Profile picture of the author Robert Boduch
      Originally Posted by AndyBlackSEO View Post

      Hi Guys... I've made a few amendments to the headline and sub heading. Does this look any better in your opinion?

      Andy
      Hi Andy...

      I just took your revised headline combination and played with it a bit.

      Here's an alternate version...

      "Fed up writing endless articles that only deliver a trickle of visitors? Then this is for YOU…

      Here's How To Read Google's Mind and Grab Front-Page Listings -- Giving You TONS MORE Free Traffic Than You've Ever Seen Before!

      Our BRAND NEW "Article Domination" Software Uses Built In LSI Functionality So You Can Easily Write Laser Targeted Content... That Google WILL Love!"

      Maybe a little wordy... but you get the idea. Hot their hot-button right away and you've got a fighting chance.

      All the best!

      Robert
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  • Profile picture of the author George Sepich
    Hi Andy,
    I think you need to establish your identity, credibility and expertise early on in the sales letter.

    I don't know anything about you, not even your first name, until it's mentioned in the other Andy's testimonial.

    Then even later on in the video, it's "I'm Marty Smith, for Andy Black."

    Who's Marty Smith, Who's Andy Black?

    I think you need to go either more personal with your sales approach, and beef up your credentials, or go the opposite way and focus just on the software and NOT do the "Hello Fellow Article Writer."

    Right now you have an identity crisis IMO.

    George
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  • Profile picture of the author AndyBlackSEO
    Ok George... point taken. Thanks for your input. I'm on it.
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  • Profile picture of the author jasondinner
    Hey Andy,

    I made a quick Jing Video for you and uploaded it to my YouTube channel:


    Hope it helps
    Jason
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Hi Andy,

      I'm suspecting many of your article writers will be wondering why
      they aren't loved by Google when they have written a "great" article.

      Therefore that will be on the top of their mind and is a perfect place
      to start the conversation... so here goes...

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      "I'm Writing Top Articles, So Why Aren't They On The First Page Of Google?"

      It's a cruel joke, we are told to write great articles which are unique and
      the almighty Google will grant us access to their hordes of searchers...YEAH RIGHT!!!

      -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Now you are connecting to their frustration and their enemy.

      You have bonded with the reader.

      You have gone from an advertiser trying to wrestle money out
      of their pocket, to a trusted helper.

      The reader first cares that you understand him/her first, before
      how good you and your product is.

      Always do that first and you have free access to your readers
      mind to state your case for helping him/her out of a sticky situation.

      All the best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author copycashvalve
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Hi Andy,

        I'm suspecting many of your article writers will be wondering why
        they aren't loved by Google when they have written a "great" article.

        Therefore that will be on the top of their mind and is a perfect place
        to start the conversation... so here goes...

        ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        "I'm Writing Top Articles, So Why Aren't They On The First Page Of Google?"

        It's a cruel joke, we are told to write great articles which are unique and
        the almighty Google will grant us access to their hordes of searchers...YEAH RIGHT!!!

        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        Now you are connecting to their frustration and their enemy.

        You have bonded with the reader.

        You have gone from an advertiser trying to wrestle money out
        of their pocket, to a trusted helper.

        The reader first cares that you understand him/her first, before
        how good you and your product is.

        Always do that first and you have free access to your readers
        mind to state your case for helping him/her out of a sticky situation.

        All the best,
        Ewen
        This is a golden nugget.

        I just learned this today.

        your prospects will love you when you become an enemy to the prospects enemy.
        Signature

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  • Profile picture of the author RustyF
    Andy, I'm far from an expert on this. I recently wrote my first pitch page. My first attempt was no where near as good as you have now. I did what you are doing to make mine much better and I'm getting sales. I mean what you are doing by asking questions like this.

    I'm going to ask it again, here on this forum.

    I like what you have in your headlines. But move them down the page. Keep the one the first commenter said as your main headline. That's powerful.

    What I've learned about good pitch page is that the best ones tell a story in the headlines.

    You seem to be trying to do that already. Work on that more by making some of your headlines sub headlines. Might not be the correct term but I think you know what I mean.

    You need at least two calls to action. Three would be better. That is buy me buttons.

    Google "Beltcher Button" Watch their video. Use their button, you'll see it all over.

    Add a PS at the bottom and a PSS if you can come up with it.

    I can send you the PSD files to make it easy to change to fit your prices if you PM me. I need to put those on my website. I better ask first.
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  • Profile picture of the author warriorspirit786
    Hi Andrew,
    How can i send a pm messsage to you, im new to this site. thanks
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  • Profile picture of the author geegel
    I believe you have received plenty of good advice, so I will try to focus on some different aspects.

    - alternate the sentences' length with a heavy bias towards the short ones. The very first paragraph is essentially a single phrase and this pattern is visible throughout the copy. You want to evoke dynamism and this technique helps.
    - there's something off with the width - I can't scan a single line with one glance. Try to reduce it a bit.
    - misspellings and weird grammar - improving on this part can only be helpful. Nobody notices good grammar, but everybody notices a bad one. Hiring a proofreader would be a wise investment.

    I hope this helps.

    Best regards,
    George
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  • Profile picture of the author Wizardofwisdom
    Hi Andrew,

    I write a lot of articles - for myself and as a ghost writer sometimes - and, as well as agreeing with what others have said about too many headlines, there were a couple of points that jumped out at me, namely:

    1. You lost me at the qualifier. I'm not tired of writing articles that sink without trace! (That's not a problem I've considered that I have - although I'm sure many of my articles have done that over the years!) But I would like to know more about reading Google's mind! So in my view you could lose that qualifier tag line and the main headline would then be more powerful.

    2. I hated the black background! Obviously this is personal taste, although I think there's some research into blue backgrounds improving sales. (Don't quote me on that though!) The great Ted Nicholas, (copy writer extraordinaire) even researched which shade of blue ink to sign his sales letters with in his direct mail marketing, so I imagine it might well make a difference.

    But it was stark and dazzling to me - your white page and black background. Also, (though this may have just been my sluggish broadband), your page was very slow to load. You have a lot of graphics on there. I don't know if you made them yourself, but you might want to reduce their size or quality a little to make the page faster. Someone with a dialup connection would never make it!

    Hope that's useful and constructive! (Well, you did ask!)
    Cheers,
    Trevor.
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