Sales page critique...

7 replies
The last time I posted one of my sales pages in here, I got some excellent feedback...

Would really appreciate your thoughts again on this one..

Wordpress Lead Machine – How To Build Local Lead Generating Websites In 27 Mins

Happy to reciprocate in anyway with SEO, Wordpress or Affiliate marketing advice..

Thanks guys :-)
#critique #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    27 mins
    Seems to take about that long to load.

    Let's try to take this to another venue so you can understand the critique. A weight loss secret, rewritten as you have, would consist of 1) Eat less. 2) Exercise more.

    Point is, if they didn't just pick up their phone and "do it," they ain't gonna go through all that to cold call. That is dead on arrival.

    Trouble is the promise of the web is point and click easy. The delivery inserts 39 steps so-easy-a-programmer-with-a-comp-sci-degree-could-do-it between the point and the click.

    HOW YOU GET STARTED is reducing everything in "how to get started" to one click and Offering That. That is the only reason for somebody to buy your whatever-this-is-supposed-to-be.

    You seem to be unclear on the web concept. The concept -- the major draw here -- IS NEVER HAVING CONTACT WITH ANOTHER HUMAN ...IN ANY WAY. Period.

    I quite understand the necessity of dragging one medium (phone) onto the web to make the other one (wordpress) work. That's chutzpah. That's what makes the bubbles big and pin-worthy. But I detect a flaw.

    You basically flat out explain, in no uncertain terms, it's a Skype, PowerPoint, everything-but-Wordpress lead generation machine. I mean dude; c'mon.
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    • Profile picture of the author Wesley Atkins
      Originally Posted by John_S View Post

      Seems to take about that long to load.

      Let's try to take this to another venue so you can understand the critique. A weight loss secret, rewritten as you have, would consist of 1) Eat less. 2) Exercise more.

      Point is, if they didn't just pick up their phone and "do it," they ain't gonna go through all that to cold call. That is dead on arrival.

      Trouble is the promise of the web is point and click easy. The delivery inserts 39 steps so-easy-a-programmer-with-a-comp-sci-degree-could-do-it between the point and the click.

      HOW YOU GET STARTED is reducing everything in "how to get started" to one click and Offering That. That is the only reason for somebody to buy your whatever-this-is-supposed-to-be.

      You seem to be unclear on the web concept. The concept -- the major draw here -- IS NEVER HAVING CONTACT WITH ANOTHER HUMAN ...IN ANY WAY. Period.

      I quite understand the necessity of dragging one medium (phone) onto the web to make the other one (wordpress) work. That's chutzpah. That's what makes the bubbles big and pin-worthy. But I detect a flaw.

      You basically flat out explain, in no uncertain terms, it's a Skype, PowerPoint, everything-but-Wordpress lead generation machine. I mean dude; c'mon.
      Appreciate your comments John..

      I'm not a copywriter by any means, so I can get a bit carried away when writing it..

      However, I guess the conversions speak for themselves at the moment.. (early days though I know!)

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      • Profile picture of the author virginiad
        Hi,

        I think you should take all the information on how to contact and sell to the business owner a bonus, not part of the sales letter.

        Hope this helps

        Virginia

        Looks like a good product. I might buy it.
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        Virginia Drew


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      • Profile picture of the author amo992
        Originally Posted by Wesley Atkins View Post

        Appreciate your comments John..

        I'm not a copywriter by any means, so I can get a bit carried away when writing it..

        However, I guess the conversions speak for themselves at the moment.. (early days though I know!)

        Actually, statistically speaking, there is not enough evidence to show that there is a significant difference between control and variation 2 (I'm assuming that was something you were testing)
        For your reference, the p-value was .0678; Alpha of .05. I used a 2 proportion z-test.

        May I ask how you generated that image (is there a program you are using)? How are you performing the split test? What's the difference between the control and variation 2?
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  • Profile picture of the author Headfirst
    Personally, I'm very tired of the "who else wants..." headline. That being said, it could be due to working in this field and seeing landing pages every day.

    I just can't get past that headline though. I see that and I hit close. That's just me though.
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  • Profile picture of the author redcell1
    my only critique is there really isnt any graphics in your page?

    Possibly throw in a chart/pie graph to show something visually?
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    Just here to see the shenanigans.

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  • Profile picture of the author jtunkelo
    Okay, two things draw my attention here:

    1. The headline is sort of... wordy and disjointed, trying to fit too many things into one message. It's fine being specific, but you would improve a lot just simplifying the overall message. Something like this:

    "Who Else Wants to Sell Simple Lead Generating
    Websites To Local Businesses For $500 A Pop!"

    ...And They Only Take 27 Minutes To Build!
    (I sell one each day - two if I'm going out that day).

    2. You're trying to sell people on the idea of cold-calling. Uh-oh. Smells like hard work. Sure it's qualifying your prospects, but it might be going a little far. The product is supposed to make it easy for them, so why not dress it that way in the copy as well.
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