0.4% Conversion - How To Improve?

by JamesPenn

Posted: 17 years ago 18 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey

I've recently started selling a new niche report. I'm more used to selling $7-$15 reports, but now I'm selling a $27 product and I'm struggling with conversions.

From 475 visitors I've had 2 sales.

The majority of traffic has come from my lists, who aren't the most responsive on the best of days, but this time they've been even less responsive.

The site is:
Rejuvenate: Turn Back The Clock

What can I do to boost conversions?

I think in general the salespage is okay, I just need to put in some "psychological triggers" to get prospects to buy.

So, how would you improve the page?

Thanks in advance

James

#04% #conversion #improve

dburk

17 years ago

Hi James,

I feel you really need to work on your headline. I got tired and had to take a break before I even got to the end of it. You actually use "&" four times in one headline. That could a record, I'm checking with Guinness.

As I scanned your copy, words like depressed, work, treadmill, embarrassed, zero energy, bad mood and other down beat terms seem to dominate the tone. I scanned faster hoping to avoid thoughts of suicide, looking for the call to action. I went right past it the first time. I went back up and finally spotted it peeking out from behind a product shot, tucked in between a leafy branch and some paypal icons.

"ORDER NOW!" seemed like an appropriate call to action after the scolding I had just suffered.

If you get the impression that I found the tone of your copy rather condescending, you could be right. Maybe it was the three headings in a row that started with the exact words I used to hear when my parents were lecturing me as a child:

"Isn't it about time you changed..."

"Isn't it about time you changed..."

"Isn't it about time you changed..."

OK, I have issues. :p

Seriously, I would try to summarize your offer above he fold, include a call to action there, followed by your best testimonial.

Then deal with every possible objection one by one followed by another call to action.

Split test your key elements like headlines and and call-to-action button text.

Rewrite your copy using an "active voice". Try to be more upbeat and positive.

That's my $0.02, hope it helps.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

* Get Results - Outsource Your PPC Management |
* Don Burk Advertising & Marketing - www.donburk.com

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[49539].message }}

Bruce Wedding

17 years ago

Here is your headline with all the redundant crap removed:

"Anti Aging Expert Finally Reveals The Secrets On How You Can Look & Feel 10, 15 even 20 Years Younger"

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

$2,300 in a Week With Teespring

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[49690].message }}

SEOwriter4hire

17 years ago

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

Here is your headline with all the redundant crap removed:

"Anti Aging Expert Finally Reveals The Secrets On How You Can Look & Feel 10, 15 even 20 Years Younger"

This headline by Bruce makes me want to keep reading as to where your headline with the amazing amount of & signs makes me confused and if I was actually looking to buy I would hit the back button before I even got past it.

The copy could really use a lighter tone with a lot more energy. The overall look is good but the copy needs a facelift.

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[50468].message }}

JamesPenn 17 years ago

Thanks for the help guys.

I've only changed the headline so far to what Bruce suggested. I'm waiting on negotiations with my writer to see if I can use her as the "face" of the product, which I think will develop trust with the reader.

I've also changed the price to $17 temporarily and since doing that I've had one sale from seven uniques.

I'll see how it works out.

Any more tips would be appreciated.

Thanks,
James
- Thanks
- 1 reply
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[51635].message }}
- nobodyspecial 17 years ago
  
  First, change the background color to white. Green doesn't match the tonality to people chasing their fleeting youth.
  
  Second, drop the graphics at the top.
  
  Third, drop the "discount" phrase.
  
  Fourth, your headline mentions an expert but the "expert" isn't hightlighted anywhere. If you claim there is an expert, you need to show a pic, video, credentials ... something.
  
  Personally, I'd focus the "anti-aging" general topic to a more specific public ... say women over 30 worried about their skin.
  
  Sell the report for cheap (you have to test price, no way around that) and then back end them into a continiuty program of a good skin care line.
  
  The head line could use some work, too. The redundant "&"s have to go.
  
  How about "Discover The Secrets A-List Celebrities Use to Look upto 17 years younger WITHOUT Dangerous Surgery or Expensive Treatments"?
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[51843].message }}
  
  projectpayday777 17 years ago
  
  Hi Friend,
  Great comments above. Let me add a few:-
  
  A Before and After Photo would help
  
  "Hurry!" pressure before you begin - dump that - that's an action statement - too early in game
  
  "Anti Aging Expert...." headline could be reduced to two lines max.
  
  Now you lose the thread of thought - going into "Dear Friend" paragraph that gets into the PAIN.
  
  Too quickly you throw in the solution to alleviate the PAIN = solution
  
  You go back into the PAIN again! depressing bounce back to the PAIN
  
  Testimonial gives the upside - then get lost in lengthy bullet points.
  
  I think bullets should be just that - brief and to-the-point - not long paragraphs.
  
  Such a long list could be better used if it were to cover objections - but that's not the case at this phase.
  
  "This guide WILL ...." BACK into PAIN again -and a mini half-hearted attempt at CALL TO ACTION.
  
  Now the real call to action gets lost in a LOOOONG paragraph - keep it KISS. Keep It Simple and Stupid.. if folks have to read and decide between "two choices" they will get confused for only a second and ---- they're gone.
  
  re-write the whole thing - but start with a skeleton thread of thought building up to the call to action. Keep it Simple.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[52777].message }}
  
  Eswar 17 years ago
  
  I suggest you to do split testing the landing pages. I have converted my landing page from 0.5% to 4.0% within 30 days. Still split testing to boost the conversion. A simple change on the color of the head line can boost the conversion rate double. But we can not do the guess work. We need good softwares to do the perfect split testing.
  
  Eswar
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  >> Make Money in 30 Minutes. Act Now..! <<
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[52997].message }}
  
  AndrewCavanagh 17 years ago
  
  Here is a video critique for you in 2 parts:
  
  Part 1: 2008-08-25_2325
  
  Part 2 coming shortly.
  
  Kindest regards,
  Andrew Cavanagh
  
  Thanks
  
  2 replies
  
  Signature
  Old School Copy Like This Is BACK & Converting Like Crazy!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[53672].message }}
  
  AndrewCavanagh 17 years ago
  
  In part 2 of this video critique I reveal why "Dear Friend" sucks and what you can use instead to double your response rate.
  
  Part2: LiveLonger2
  
  Kindest regards,
  Andrew Cavanagh
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  Old School Copy Like This Is BACK & Converting Like Crazy!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[53709].message }}
  
  Steven Fullman 17 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by AndrewCavanagh
  
  Here is a video critique for you in 2 parts:
  
  Part 1: 2008-08-25_2325
  
  Part 2 coming shortly.
  
  Kindest regards,
  Andrew Cavanagh
  
  <thread hijack>
  
  Andrew,
  
  Nice critique with some great advice...
  
  ...how do I get myself one of those, fella?
  
  Steve
  
  </thread hijack>
  
  P.S. Sorry James!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  Not promoting right now
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[54026].message }}
  
  Eric Lorence 17 years ago
  
  "Feeling great, shaving years off that image in the mirror, and boosting your confidence. Vibrant health equals outstanding results in your business and personal life. Slowing the aging process IS possible, let me show you how..."
  
  Best!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[54272].message }}
  
  MaskedMarketer 17 years ago
  
  What about some FACTS that what you say is true? Numbers? How about studies? Is what you say actually believable? Also, who and where is this expert you speak of??
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  "One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor"
  
  "I Pay Less Attention to What Men Say. I Just Watch What They Do."
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[54517].message }}
  
  JamesPenn 17 years ago
  
  Thanks everyone for the tips.
  
  Andrew - that was fantastic and I never expected to receive help like that at all, thanks so much. Would you recommend completely deleting the "Dear Friend" line, or replacing it with another opening line?
  
  What you said about the opening paragraph is fantastic, and I'll look to change it as soon as possible.
  
  I realise there's no credibility right now. Honestly, I have no credibility in this market, how can I? I'm an 18 year old guy and I'm targetting 40+ year old women. LOL!
  
  BUT...
  
  The woman who wrote the report DOES have credibility. She does a lot of writing for me and usually likes to remain in the background, she just provides the content, I do the marketing. But I'm currently discussing with her whether she'd like to share in the profits. In exchange, she will provide pictures (before and after) of how the techniques have worked for her. She practices what she writes about, so I could also use her as a story. She also writes for a few natural health magazines in the US so I can include that in the copy and boost credibility dramatically.
  
  Just in case she decides she doesn't want to show her pictures and be used as a story, are there any other ways to boost credibility?
  
  One more thing, what split testing software do you use? Bare in mind my budget is very low right now, I've spent a lot of money on developing this product. Has anyone had any experience with A-B Split Tester ?
  
  Thanks a lot everyone for your help.
  
  James
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[54648].message }}
  
  AndrewCavanagh 17 years ago
  
  You can also use the credibility of one of your testimonials by writing the whole sales letter from the perspective of that person, telling their story etc.
  
  You do need more facts and figures and proof in your copy as "MaskedMarketer" says.
  
  If you go through the ebook you should be able to pull out a whole pile of facts and figures to create far better bullets.
  
  Going through the product paragraph by paragraph should have been the first step in writing your copy to begin with.
  
  If there are not facts and figures in the product and there's no way you can provide proof to support the claims for your product then that might tell you something about its quality.
  
  Kindest regards,
  Andrew Cavanagh
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  Old School Copy Like This Is BACK & Converting Like Crazy!
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[55122].message }}

seobro 17 years ago

Hello James:

Forget about chasing after 50 year old women. Go after a market you know. Stop selling antiaging cream and start pushing pimple medicine.

Do a youtube video where an ugly nerdy geek full of pimples asks a pretty blonde cheerleader for a date.

Him: Hi, I'm Elmo, I wonder if you might want to see a movie this weekend?
Her: Sorry, Elmer Fudd, I have to go wash my dog.

You get the picture. You should have a conversion of at least 5%, if not more! Try it!
- Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature
http://www.seobro.com
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[56449].message }}
- Simplweb 17 years ago
  
  I am actually wondering if 0.4% isnt actually pretty good.
  
  Its a single page, with no way to meaningfully check there is a real business behind your offer. Maybe you are doing pretty well
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  Simplweb - Joomla 1.5 Websites
  Compass Designs Blog - Learn everything Joomla!
  
  NEW WSO!!
  Turnkey Membership Websites with Web 2.0 Social networking features
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[56742].message }}
Mr BOLD 17 years ago

I would suggest, using a exit pop opt-in form and offer a free report or ecourse with an attention grabbing headline. This way you will know if you have their interest and may be you are just a few follow ups away from that sale.
- Thanks
- 1 reply
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[57034].message }}
- lakshaybehl 17 years ago
  
  Please remember a LOT depends upon the relationship you have with your list.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  WARNING EXPLICIT: This is ugly... and this is the distilled truth
  
  ~~Website || Book || Facebook~~
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[66217].message }}

0.4% Conversion - How To Improve?

Trending Topics

The Evergreen Playbook: Digital Marketing Strategies That Weather Every Trend

Hello members

About Me

It's already mid January...

When was the last time you lost it and laughed uncontrollably??