Checking to see if this old dog can still bark

The graphic needs specificity.

"Make Your Whole LIFE More Productive" is too general to have meaning.

Also, the "$1,000,000 Gift For You" won't work, because there's no benefit associated with it.

Read through the top-producing WSOs and see how they use specifics and benefits.

As it stands now, what you have is just noise.

Alex

A few years back I went on a trip to Tunisia. And there, whenever and wherever I would walk on the streets, there would always be a Tunisian guy (or ten) trying to sell me something and yelling "Gift for you! Gift for you!". Sorry for the digression, I just remembered that reading your headline .

More to the point, I think the headline is too broad. What kind of gift? Why would I want such a gift? Are you talking to me or are you talking to everyone in the world?

And the "Software to make your life more productive" line could maybe use a verb somewhere in there, such as "get", "try" etc. The same goes for most of the headlines in the copy.

You seem to have some nice info in the second half of the offer, but you might lose people after the first paragraph(s). To me, they seem a bit cliche and too general. Yes, we all know time is money and we all want more time and more money. Why not just start with: "You and your friends and family deserve to have more quality time together while the business or businesses you have built pay the bill."

Hope this helps.

It took me a while to read through and find out what it's all about.

Unfortunately your readers might not make the effort.

The layout needs to be "spaced" out to make it much easier to read.

As Alex said earlier - you do need a more powerful headline - with specifics.

And "Digital Steroids For The Brain" - it kind of sounds good - but doesn't mean anything.


Essentially this is a speed - reading course.

Nothing wrong with that - in the body copy you effectively highlighted many of the benefits.

Why not just tell it like it is - in the headline?

Steve


P.S. I would "change" the million dollar free gift - yes it might appeal to some with strong "greed" emotions. But that "audience" doesn't normally spend much money - they want everything to be free!

And it's unreal to everyone else. It spoils your piece because it feels like hype.

Your sales letter has some good nuggets buried in it but it's still a mess.

Why on earth would you center all your copy? Very difficult to read!

Read David Frey's template for a sales letter. I think it's been posted here a few times or Google it.

You need to seriously study some Eugene Schwartz ads in this area...he was the master of selling personal development material.

sabinavarga it helps a lot. Thank you for the pointers and for your time.

Steve, thanks for all the comments, especially the P.S. To be honest I hate to appeal to greed. Feels good to be set free from the feeling I have to do that.

Actually this is not a course. There is nothing to learn, no techniques to implement, nothing to study, etc. The increased reading speed result just "happens" from a few minutes having your brain stimulated with the software exercises. I guess i'll have to try to make that more clear.

ThomasOMalley, center all my copy? Why on earth indeed! I didn't. I have no idea why its showing up like that for you. Is it like that for everyone else too? It must be a glitch with the way the WP plugin is interacting with your browser.

Well, from everyone's feedback it seems clear that my past success all came from the fact that I was selling my own product in my own field of expertise and my deep passion and knowledge was what caused me to do so well. Also it was 90% offline.

I could go back to the drawing board and see if I can do better. Or maybe I need a pro to do it for me. Time is an issue. Anyone interested in giving me a quote for services?