CW critique request

I often use Courier. It's good for older readers. make sure you
use 12 pt and larger though. Your fonts are fine but you should
narrow it down to 800-900 pixels wide, max. Many use as narrow
as 600 px.

Hi Rich,

Welcome!

Here are just a few things I noticed while scanning your copy.

1. You may want to use a sales letter script for your sales letter. (see the top link in my sig as an example) Notice the header and space on the sides, which makes reading the copy easy on the eyes.

2. Your header should be bold and centered. (not inline with the book)

3. You letter starts with problem, promise. You might want to start the copy with the promise statement followed by the problem.

4. Keep paragraphs no longer than 4 lines.

5. You're confusing the reader by talking about the author and the publisher. State the story by focusing on only one character, then direct your focus back to the reader.

6. Use more bullets, where needed such as area where you as a number of questions.

7. Your benefits are not highlighted and is not easily noticed.

8. Use direct words such as "important" instead of "vitally important."

9. I only see one tiny little buy now button at the bottom of the copy. You'll want to make the payment button visible in a few place throughout the copy and in a large font or graphics.

10. Sales letter should include your close, signature, and P.S. I don't see those elements in your copy.

I hope this helps. I commend you on your efforts.

Best!

7.

I had a look at your site and well done on your efforts. Just wanted to add to the other great points already provided.

One recommendation for you. You may want to make the width of your website smaller as it fills up the whole page. Examples could be found if you go to sites like Clickbank for example you can see how other sales pages are like by other people selling products and services.

By having a smaller width(than what you currently have) and also perhaps have border of the page using graphics you can draw the reader's attention to your sales page which I assume that is your goal!

Great work otherwise.

Christie has nailed oh so much and I agree with every point
she's made. Although Courier is a fine font, your line length
is a tad long.

On first reading your headline my reaction is "How does this
help me?" Consider running with a headline that contains at
least one benefit, and run it as a centered element.

Alas, not everyone is going to want to trawl through
your letter, so, I'm with Christie on this: consider breaking
things up with subheads for readers that want to skim the
basic points of your presentation, and also consider including
additional images related to your core benefits and the places
you want to take people in their imagination.

Add extra links to your BUY NOW button throughout your copy.

One other tip: print it out and read your letter out loud.
This technique helps reveal awkward gaps, odd sounding
clause changes, and assorted howlers.

Christie has given you some solid suggestions, and the others have too.

One more I would add: see where you can vary your paragraph sizes. It's ok to make paragraphs that are one sentence or even one word, where appropriate. It makes your copy much more readable.

Thanks to everyone for the constructive criticism. I'll definitely take all of your suggestions into consideration. Hopefully I'll get my site changes done sometime here within the next week or two, before I start my PPC ad campaign. Thanks again for all your input!

Hi Rich,

I've got some pointers for you:

You definitely need to reduce the width
of the copy. That's a conversion killer
as it is. Usually you'll be needing a table
no wider than about 700 px for your
main body copy.

Next, I'd consider scrapping that headline.
A quote like that can fit nicely into your
body copy somewhere, but as a headline
it doesn't really cut it. You need to show
your reader what you can do for him, and
why he should read further down. As it is,
neither of those things are being done.

With your body copy, you'll probably be
better of with some subheadings in there.
As it is, there's a lot of text to read, and
that will seem tiresome. If you use some
subheads to break it up, you'll be able to
pull more of the readers further into your
letter.

Lastly, to echo Christie's sentiments, your
paragraphs are way too long in places. In
your reader's mind, it's a lot easier to click
the back button on the browser than it is
to actually read long paragraphs.

See how that last paragraph is more of an
effort to read than this one?

That's what I'm getting at.

Hope that's useful to you.

Good luck.

-David Raybould