Sales page critique

Immediately, we see this stock image



Get rid of it, stock images suck.

You should have a picture of you and your team, right?

This is way more genuine, adds social proof and will do a lot better than your stock image.

Also get a phone number and a physical address, this will really help you, you'll look like an actual business.

Aside from that, everything else could use improvements, I'll let other people chime in.

EDIT: Also, I just realized you posted this outside of the copywriting sub-forum, you should ask to have it moved there, you'll get a much better response.

Thanks I read Ca$hvertising and did some reading on my own. You know the thing I really notice is a lot of people want "Get Rish Quick" stuff who come on here and it's really not like that at all. Just putting these courses and my site together took a hell of a lot of effort. The copy I am going to try to work on but practice makes perfect!

Hey you are doing well for your first shot at this.
Check spelling there is a typo near the bottom 1.) Once you have signed up, log in from te front page right sidebar.
When you press the buy button it gives you popup to buy. Nothing happens when I click on it. Can you have it go directly to paypal? I am using Google browser.

Your Guarantee is at the very top in tiny font. Tell them about it just before buy button.

Good luck
Anne L

I not only will critic your sales page, I'll also critique it too, fair enough?

You have a very tough nut to crack with this copy. Because? It lacks any emotional appeal and sounds like a lot of work. This market wants a job, but they don't want to work to get one. How do I know?

Before I continue the copy critique, let me put up this backdrop...against which I'll paint a picture of today's job seeker.

I was a Job Coach with a Federal, State and County funded program which did resumes and job clubs, very similar to what your course offers. Today, there are hundreds of Job Centers which offer resume writing assistance (many do it for you), interviewing and even on-camera practice...all for FREE.

These are, for the most part, DISMAL failures costing the taxpayers billions of dollars to help land thousands of people entry level "fast food" type jobs. But, they are your competition.

This market wants it done for them, as it was noted in another post, and the idea of taking a class, even by remote means is a big deterrent in itself.

Your copy makes it sound like work. Learning. Education. Classroom. All the things many people who could use the class to better their lots in life, simply will not do.

When I started ResumesPlus, a resume and job finding service, it started almost immediately to generate $ 1,000.00 a DAY in revenue, and this from 3 customers a day.

So, between my County job as a Job Coach/Job Developer/Job Club "social worker" and the experience from my business, ResumesPlus, it is my opinion you will sell very few courses with the copy you currently have.

For me, it shows a lack of understanding of the Market.

Although, I don't have any clue where the traffic is coming from, which dictates the type of copy to be used, so I reserve the right to be wrong if your eyeballs are coming from the clueless dunderheads out there (of course there are millions--HA!).

What is INTERVIEW SUCCESS? Does this mean they get the job?

You wrote:
Have you tried over and over again and every time you just to get left out in the cold?

Please read this out loud to yourself, word by word, because you are apparently too close to it...does it make sense to you?

Then you say;

After this I took the time to really seek out help and found some people who kindly showed me the ropes. I learned a lot and tried to apply it but I didn’t know the right steps and that’s why I failed. It was such a disaster.


People who kindly showed me the ropes... why not just tell me their names and I'll let them write my resume for me... be glad to pay more to have it done.



The copy is very weak for this market because it lacks a QUICK, EASY and SIMPLE solution to the problem and with all the so-called resume pros and the government FREE training centers, it is just not going to work for you, but, feel free to prove me wrong, OK?



gjabiz

Hi Doc,

Not a bad go for your first time. Congrats for putting pen to paper and making it happen.

You need a much stronger big idea for the sales letter. An irresistible hook. You're already halfway there.

Focus more on how you were a jobless Harvard grad because, as much as you learned in the Ivy League, ONE thing kept you from getting a job.

Right now, the headline is making it sound like you used rich-boy connections ("tapped the system") to get yourself a job. Get vulnerable, man. Tell 'em, "Look... I had this great education, but I couldn't get a job because I didn't know this ONE thing that was holding me back from everything I'd worked so hard for."

Most middle class believe have a belief that it doesn't matter what kind of college you go to. Let them relish in their need to be right about that (emotional connection). Be frank about the problem you had and establish trust with the reader... and then let them in on your big secret.

Far as I can tell no one's mentioned this yet...

Most immediate issue for me is you don't have a dedicated page for your pitch. First thing folks see are opportunities to go elsewhere, which isn't the plan obviously.

More compelling headline/lede/idea too...

Confessions of a veteran Hiring Manager... "The Number One Reason I Immediately Throw 99% of all Job Applications into the Thrash..."

Harvard is obviously hard to get into too. Mayhap there's a "secret" you used to get accepted that lets you slay when applying for jobs!?

Seems to me the course could be more logically structured too... all the resume stuff should come before HR, interview stuff for example. That's small fry though... biggest issue is just some more badass copy I think.

Colm

Hi Doc,
Nice website but you need to do a spell check on your site.I glanced over it and saw 3 misspellings. The first one is Scholarships at the top of your site.

Best of luck,
Tom

I'm betting 90% of your readers (or more), won't get past the headline and opening.

Why?

Because the first rule of copywriting is...

"It's not what you say that matters, it's what you get people to think, feel and imagine..."

You have to create a picture in the person's mind of what they want OR the problem they want to solve. That's how you active the Insular Cortex...

Insular cortex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/06/he...y/06brain.html

...which is responsible for creating cravings for food, comfort, excitement etc. (read the articles for more details).

This...

"Writing Unbeatable Resumes..."

....doesn't make be picture anything. Neither does your opening. There's no salience. Without that, you're simply communicating with the part of the mind the processes language, operates independently from the Insular Cortex (aka, the "reptilian brain.")

The secret is to sell the EXPERIENCE that they want to have (and the one they want to avoid), instead of selling your service. Something like this....

"Your palms are sweating again. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Hot blood rushes into your face as your interview greets you.

You've GOT to get this right. You've been waiting for a phone call for what seems like an eternity. Now, you've got a short window of 15 to 20 minutes to PROVE that you're the BEST candidate for the job and to negotiate the salary you're REALLY worth.

What if I told you that you could stamp out this anxiety, erase the uncertainty from your job searching, HAND PICK the career YOUR CHOICE and get employers eager to hire you at the salary you're REALLY WORTH?

Then, get into the pitch.

I see you've read Cashvertising. Go back to Chapter One, and the start of Chapter Two. The answer is in there.